


Certainly Uncertain

by jay_girl88



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Don't copy to another site, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everybody Lives, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Fluff and Smut, Historical Inaccuracies, Hurt Tony, Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealousy, Possessive Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Slow Burn, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 20:09:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18645217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jay_girl88/pseuds/jay_girl88
Summary: Steve was certain of a lot of things, chief among which that he hated Toni Stark. He was certain of that, and he was certain of his reasons for doing so, which were all totally factual. Probably.His unfaltering certainty would go on to last precisely two weeks.~*~*~*~An alternate universe in which Tony Stark is born a girl, Toni Stark, and she was born around the same time as a certain super soldier. While that doesn't change the first impression they have of each other, there are plenty other things that undergo a few changes...





	Certainly Uncertain

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all! Okay, right upfront, please don't expect any historical accuracy from this fic, and certainly don't expect any scientific accuracy either because straight up, I took _so much_ artistic license to get this fic to work according to the gratuitous fluff that I wanted and needed after Engame. 
> 
> That said, f**k Endgame and MCU and all of it, I'm not okay. 
> 
> Moving on! This is just my feel-good take on what a universe would be like if Toni and Steve had been from the same era. Initially, it was meant to a little ficlet, 4000-9000 words tops, but it somehow grew into this complete monster, and I blame my broken heart from Engame. 
> 
> Okay, I'm done. (But not really.)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

When Steve Rogers had first met Toni Stark, he’d been entirely certain of three things:

The first, was that the woman was entirely unnaturally beautiful. It was disconcerting for Steve, who’d never really done well around women in general, leave alone ones as gorgeous as she, but after a few moments of being tongue-tied and dry-mouthed, he’d just accepted it and filed the strange feelings she had stirred in him, deep in the recesses of his mind. No use dwelling on things like that. 

The second, was that she was totally self-absorbed and had absolutely no regard for anything but herself. The woman actively tried to antagonize everyone from Dr. Erskine to Colonel Phillips and showed absolutely no hint of giving a damn as to how disrespectful and downright infuriating she was being. It was honestly a mystery to him, how she was still around, and for that matter, how everyone still seemed to be able to speak of her with equal parts affection and exasperation. 

The third, which kind of followed from the second, to be honest, was that Steve _absolutely loathed_ her. He hated everything Toni Stark seemed to personify; a bully who was so used to being an entitled, spoilt little princess that she treated everyone around her as though they were less, in some way, inferior to her simply because Daddy had always indulged her and made her think that she had any right to put herself above everyone else. 

His unfaltering certainty would go on to last precisely two weeks. 

On the plus side, he would find that he hadn’t been _completely_ wrong. She really was, after all, unnaturally beautiful. 

 

###

 

His first indicator that he might have been wrong about Stark, came right about the same time that he threw himself over a grenade with the unthinking hope that he could smother the blast enough to spare his fellow soldiers. 

At the time, his tiny size didn’t even factor into his brain, nor did he think to question why Colonel Phillips sounded so carefully measured as he shouted his warning. All he thought about was protecting everyone else, and with his first glance up to note whether there were other people there, he saw both Peggy Carter and – the surprise was a jolt to his system in itself – Toni Stark. Where the former backed away with his panicked shout, Stark didn’t. Instead, she kept coming forward, grabbing some rectangular metal box as she ran, hazel eyes scared but fierce and determined and even then, so goddamn _calculating._

Steve’s stomach physically lurched with fear and fury, and if he wasn’t been so intent on curling around the grenade, he would’ve gotten in her face about how stupid and reckless she was being. Just because she liked to pretend she was hot shit, didn’t make her _bomb-proof,_ what was she _thinking…_

He was midway through his internal rant before he realized that the grenade hadn’t gone off, that Erskine was smiling, and that Toni had stopped in her tracks. For a moment, all he could do was look at the brunette and idly register that for the first time, she had no cocky mask in place. Her face showed only clear and bone-deep relief, dominating just barely over sparking temper. 

In an instant, the expressive features closed down into a carefully arranged mask of disdain and cool irritability. If Steve hadn’t been so sure of what he saw, he would have bought right into Stark’s well-practiced cover. 

Thrown off balance by it all, all he was able to manage was an intelligent, “Is this a test?”

Erskine grinned at him, Philips was muttering something, even Agent Carter was smiling slightly… but for some reason, it was Stark’s muted huff of surprised laughter that lit a small spark in his chest. Brought him down from the adrenaline spike. Shifting his gaze to her in that moment was the only reason that he caught the little exchange between the inventor and his commanding officer. 

“I know, I know,” Phillips forestalled whatever Stark had been about to say with a sharp tone and an annoyed, dismissive hand gesture. “You told me so. Born and made and what-the-fuck-ever. Give it a rest, Stark.” 

She rolled her eyes, looking haughty, but before Steve could write the gesture off as another time that she was being a spoilt brat, she surprised him by grabbing the older man’s elbow. “No more tests, Colonel Cynical,” she shot back, sounding light on the surface if one were to overlook the hardness in her eyes. “I understand your dubiousness and appreciate your support, but Rogers has nothing to prove. Not to you, certainly not to me, not to anyone on this base.”

Without another word or a backwards glance, Stark turned on her heel and left, thumbs hooked habitually as they were in the belt loops of the trousers that she stubbornly favoured over regulation women’s uniform or standard skirts and dresses. Not for the first time, Steve noticed how the movement stretched the denim snugly over Stark’s figure (it was purely an artist thing, aesthetic eye and all that) and before he could get too caught up in wanting to sketch the enigmatic hurricane of a dame, he switched his focus back to Erskine. 

The man’s thumbs up made him want to grin; only for him to realize that he was already doing so. 

 

###

 

He saw Toni the next morning before the serum was scheduled to be tested on him, but before he could make a move to greet her, test the waters or something, he was intercepted by Dr. Erskine. The doctor had him out of his shirt and on to a table in a flurry of words, and just when he thought that he was being given a break as the scientist called out for Stark, he found out that the Stark in question was instead the senior one; all flashy and bold as the flying car he’d flaunted as his expo. 

“We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn,” Howard was saying, casting a speculative look over Steve that made him equally self-conscious and annoyed for it. “But we’re ready. As we’ll ever be.” 

Before he could ask the man to spit out whatever it was he so obviously wanted to say, Toni piped up. “Nobody likes a naysayer, Dad.” Suddenly, she was there in his line of sight as well, and despite the rocky footing they’d started on upon introduction, Steve found himself relaxing with her presence. “I double and triple checked the numbers myself; it’s going to work,” she told him confidently, but her posture was all wrong. Her arms were crossed and her chin was tilted slightly and she was stiff and defensive in a way that Steve had never seen; in a way that reminded him of the stance he took when he faced off against bullies in back alleys. Before he could wonder if the comparison had more merit to it than he thought, she turned to him and smiled. It wasn’t like the other razor-edged smirks she usually sent his way; this one was bright and excited, eyes sparkling and face brightening, and it transformed her into the kind of sight that made people stop what they were doing just so they’d get a chance to stare and sigh. 

“Ready, soldier boy?” she asked, still grinning in anticipation, but there was a real question there that told Steve she would pull the plug if he said that he wasn’t. Why he was so sure of that, he couldn’t say, but he’d trusted his gut this far… and his gut, apparently, trusted her.

Clearing his throat slightly, he tried for an answer. “Yeah,” he nodded, pleased to find that it was easier than he thought it would be to return her smile. His nerves steadied some in the face of her conviction, and if nothing else about Stark was endearing, he could at least appreciate that she was being decent to him right then. Even if it was more about her experiment than actual concern for Steve. 

She nodded once, then disappeared for a few seconds as Erskine began addressing people. Steve heard bits and pieces of what they were planning to do to him, but he couldn’t focus his attention on one single thing, at least up until the point where Toni reappeared at his head. He felt a prick in his bicep, growing chagrined when he was told that it was simply a penicillin shot, but before he could flush or say anything to Erskine’s little shrug, he felt a small, cool hand against his forehead. 

“Close your eyes, Rogers,” Toni instructed him softly when his gaze shot up to hers. She edged her palm a little closer to his eyes, making him close them automatically, and rested her fingers lightly over his eyelids as Erskine began to count down. His hand, a little warmer, cupped Steve’s shoulder, and he focused on the twin touches as serum suddenly flooded his body. Toni muttered something, fingers smoothing at the top of his jaw when he clenched his teeth against the pain, and he only realized how much he was clinging on to the comforting feel of her hand against his face when she took it away. 

Thankfully, his entire body was being lifted, bed and all, before he could do something stupid like call out for her. He exchanged a bit of lighthearted banter with Erskine, more for the peace of mind of everyone else, and braced himself when Erskine called for Stark – whichever one of them – to start the process.

Then, all he knew was pain. 

For as long as he could, he held out against the scream building in his throat, for some reason thinking of the tension in Stark’s voice when she’d been trying to soothe him through the serum injection. Perhaps she was holding out the hope that it would be a relatively painless procedure, and oddly, he wanted to spare her the blatant disproving of the theory. When he couldn’t hold it back anymore, the sound scraped at his throat until it was tender, and yet for all that he was the one screaming, he could still hear Toni’s yells through it. 

“STOP! Hold the radiation, we need to dial it back as soon as we have him stabilized and then we- DAD! Stop, right THE FUCK NOW!” Even as he screamed again, Steve heard her switch from barking out scientific sounding orders to cussing out her father as he presumably disagreed with her approach. She cut off abruptly, for a fraction of a second, but then started right back up again, cursing in what sounded like a completely different language as Erskine and Carter joined in the yelling, backing up Toni’s orders.

When he felt some of the pressure start to decrease, he managed to shout out. “No! Don’t! I can do this!”

He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince. 

Whoever it was, it seemed to work, because after an agonizing second, Toni was shouting out orders again. Something about reactors and rerouting pressure and emergency sensory dulling nerve-based tech; honestly, from the sounds of it, she seemed like she was actually smarter than she’d advertised, which might have meant that Steve had something to apologize for if he survived this. 

The pressure started to gradually increase again, but this time, the pain was miraculously dulled to a slightly more tolerable level. Still excruciating, but his heart no longer felt like it would burst out of his chest from sheer agony, so Steve was profusely grateful. 

“Ninety percent!” Toni called out this time, apparently having made the executive decision to bench her own father, and he focused on her thready, tense voice to try and block out the pain. 

It seemed like an entire age had passed before she choked out, “A hundred percent.”

And just like the pain had come, sudden and vicious, it was gone again. 

For a few moments, Steve only focused on his breathing, exhausted beyond measure and feeling… God, feeling the same and yet so profoundly different, it was difficult to actually verbalize. 

“Toni?”

Erskine’s questioning voice brought him back to reality, and even as he listened for the reply, he got none, save for the tube he was in being slowly opened and lowered slightly. There were hands – broad and warm, his mind couldn’t help noticing, not cool and small – and Steve leaned into them as Erskine helped him down. The ground was… a lot closer than it might have been before, but before he could dwell on that, he was being surrounded by people. 

From his left, Howard Stark was positively gaping. “We actually did it,” he muttered to Erskine, eyes a little crazed with excitement in a way that wasn’t nearly as attractive on him as it was on his daughter. 

“Well, Toni and I,” Erskine amended with what looked like a pleasant smile on his face despite the pointed hint of steel in his tone. “But yes. We did.” 

The army uniform in front of him was unmistakably Peggy’s, and though Steve was hopelessly attracted to her, he couldn’t quite shake the initial pulse of disappointment that it wasn’t the younger Stark. It made no sense whatsoever, since she was more than likely to say something annoying that would put his back up now that the experiment was over and successful and she no longer needed to help keep him calm, but for whatever reason, he’d hoped that she would be there first, helping him get down instead of her father doing it, or flicking his head up with a careless finger and a smug smile. But she wasn’t, Agent Carter was, and it was rude to be disappointed by that. 

Pushing it away when Peggy asked how he was feeling, he forced his head up, finding himself making a quick scan of his surroundings despite himself, to try and spot Toni before answering. “Taller,” he summarized glibly, waiting expectantly for the huff of laughter or sarcastic comment that he realized a second too late, he’d been counting on hearing from the inventor. He didn’t get either. 

Barely registering much of Peggy’s response, he took the proffered shirt and slipped it on, keen gaze still searching out the self-proclaimed genius. He finally spotted her at the consoles, eyes unmistakably red-rimmed as she rubbed a rough hand over her mouth and then through her spiky brown pixie-cut hair, visibly shaking, but before he could make a move to go towards her, he was stopped by one of the scientists, and then a politician, and then someone else and another after that. He caught her eyes once, but she promptly turned away from him and started towards Erskine instead, and Steve couldn’t for the life of him figure out why it suddenly felt important that he get to her. 

To thank her, he was sure. His momma had drilled manners into him and he wasn’t about to forget them. 

He found, however, that he was forced to do just that a moment later, when everything around them exploded. 

There was fire and heat and glass shards, which turned into gunfire, and the urge to find Stark intensified. Later, he would reason that it was because Peggy was armed and proven to be a fantastic shot, but in the moment, he simply acted on instinct. 

Of course, that was made difficult when Stark seemed to be equally impulsive. 

She threw herself at Erskine even as he yelled, seeing something that apparently everyone had missed, and both of them went down with a misted spray of blood that turned Steve’s stomach. Somebody screamed and he vaguely registered Peggy shooting at the man who was now hightailing it from the room, but his first priority was the duo still on the floor. 

Only one of whom was getting up. 

“ _No_ …” Stark whispered, the word punched out from her gut as she scrambled to the scientist. Seeing that she was up and moving made relief crush Steve’s chest like a rockslide, but it turned smothering when he realized that there was a distinct bullet hole right over Erskine’s heart. “C’mon, Abraham, don’t you do this, not now, don’t do this to me,” Toni was muttering, seemingly without even knowing it. 

Without conscious thought to the action, he knelt at the scientist’s other side. Toni didn’t even acknowledge him, instead continuing to try to put pressure on the wound despite knowing, as she had to, that it was a pointless endeavour. 

The man wouldn’t last an ambulance ride. 

Erskine was the one who finally stopped her frantic movements by grabbing on to her hand, holding it securely in his without care of the blood that slicked between their palms. He linked his fingers with hers and rested it against his ribs, wordlessly forcing her to stop and accept the inevitable, before directing his gaze at Steve. 

The soldier didn’t dare to look away, and when the scientist tapped his heart, an unspoken message as clear as day in the gesture, Steve knew without asking, all that he was saying. 

“Go,” Toni told him, voice ragged and torn in a way he’d never heard before as Steve glared in the direction the man had gone. She didn’t look up at him, but he knew she was crying as she shuffled closer to Erskine, holding both his hands with hers. “Go.” Though grief emanated from her in waves, it was clear that Toni wasn’t going to leave the scientist’s side until he didn’t need her there anymore. 

Helpless to do anything else but try to catch the guy who’d done this, Steve nodded once, despite the fact that he knew Toni couldn’t see it. 

As he ran off, he distantly began to entertain the notion that he might have been a bit off-base with Stark. She obviously cared about more than herself, if today was any indication. 

 

###

 

The events after his debut as a super soldier were fast and in a flurry. Before he could begin to marvel at his new body’s capabilities, he was being taken back to where they were discussing the group of German spies who had apparently infiltrated their base. 

HYDRA. 

He was chewing on the name when Stark – the female version – entered, and he was a little surprised when her arrival wasn’t heralded by the customary snark or dramatic flair. Instead, she didn’t spare a glance for anyone, her face stony and set as she made a beeline for the submarine that the HYDRA agent had left behind. She tinkered around in the open panel, and to his credit, Howard Stark didn’t stop her, but him, Colonel Phillips and the Senator all simultaneously swiveled their heads her way when she casually remarked, “I can reverse engineer some of this. Scavenge some of it, too. Maybe try to find some distinguishable signature to something that we can try our hand at tracking.”

“Bullshit,” Howard challenged, looking aggravated as he hopped back into the little hatch and fairly shoved her out of the way. Steve bristled, but before he could say anything, Phillips was assigning them all their new jobs and Toni left without a word as soon as he told her to pack. 

Steve focused his attention on Phillips, dismissing Howard Stark from his mind. The man was still as derisive of him as he had been when Steve had been scrawny and short, and for some reason, that rankled him more than any drunk patron or back alley bully ever had. Before he could offer up even a token defense, he was being skillfully talked into something else, and even without asking, Steve somehow knew that he wasn’t going to like it. 

What he didn’t know, was why he found himself standing outside Stark’s room, knocking tentatively as soon as the Senator had left, after throwing plans and logistics for his new job at him. 

For whatever his reason, she didn’t seem to care, and instead invited him in with a careless flick of her head. He eyed a bruise he saw along her cheekbone, wondering just how and when she’d taken any hit. 

“Drink?” she asked shortly before he could question it and check if she was okay, tossing her own back and going to pour out another two fingers of what looked like expensive whiskey. When Steve only nodded back, she produced another glass and repeated the process while kicking a chair towards him. He straddled it backwards and accepted the offered drink, rattling it to hear the ice hit the glass as she dropped heavily into the opposite chair, kicking her feet up on to the table. 

And then, because he thought they both needed it, he raised his glass a little in toast. “To Dr. Erskine.”

“ _Cin-cin_ ,” she replied after a long moment, tipping her glass briefly before taking a quick gulp.

If her voice was a little strained and her eyes a little shiny, Steve wasn’t going to be the one to say anything. 

He cleared his throat around the unfamiliar burn, fighting not to choke, and though part of him was a little embarrassed, he was consoled with the fact that it sparked a tiny bit of warmth and mirth in the big hazel eyes that were far too dull and deadened for Steve’s tastes. He preferred the genius with fire in her eyes and in her heart, not weary and weighted down. Not quietly allowing anyone to shove her around, literally or figuratively. 

When he could, he spoke. “I never drank much before, and even when I did, nothing too strong. I was just as likely to hack up an organ instead, with my medical history,” he added by way of explanation. 

“It isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Toni replied, pursing her lips as she regarded her half-empty glass, and the fact that she wasn’t mocking him made Steve smile a little. “Although sometimes, dulled senses are a damned blessing.”

With a courage he didn’t normally possess – certainly, he couldn’t talk this openly to any other dames – Steve mused aloud, “It isn’t the worst thing… feeling. Even the bad things. It proves that things were once good. That we loved.” When he realized that Toni’s unyielding, intense orbs, almost amber in color now, were trained on him, he turned a little sheepish. “That’s what my Ma used to tell me, anyway.”

He took another sip of his drink, all too aware that Stark was still looking at him, and a split second before it became too much, she tore her gaze away and fixed it back on the remaining scotch in her glass. 

“We have had very different upbringings, Rogers,” she murmured, sounding equally matter-of-fact and weary, and it made something deep in Steve rumble quietly. Made him wish, inexplicably, that he could have known Toni a little younger and dragged her to the tiny place he had called home, before throwing her at his mom and letting Sarah Rogers fix her the way she seemed to be able to fix anything. 

Something, Steve realized in a moment of fleeting insight, Toni shared with his mother. She fixed things. 

Before he could say anything; offer any comfort; the genius tipped her glass at him again. “To Mrs. Rogers,” she said softly, and rather than take a drink, Toni tossed the remainder of the alcohol into the little pot plant that formed some of the sparse decoration in the room. 

It made his throat tighten a little, both because of the salute to his mother and because it was the perfect way they could have ever toasted her. 

He followed the same procedure, miraculously keeping his tears from falling, and when he turned around, his efforts were aided by the blood droplet he spotted on the floor. 

Jerking into action suddenly, he left his glass back on the table with a noisy clatter. “Are you… did you… you’re hurt?” he managed to demand, adrenaline-fueled panic surging through his previously tired self. As carefully as he could despite his concern, Steve took Toni by the elbow and looked her over for injury. He found it quickly, just below her left ribcage – a patch of her black blouse darkened with blood in a way that was easy to miss if it wasn’t being looked for – and sucked in a breath through his teeth when he realized how much blood she had to have lost. His mind helpfully provided the image of her jumping in front of Erskine when the shots had been fired, and damn it, he should have thought to check…

“Forgot about that,” she muttered unenthusiastically, lifting the blouse without compunction and baring her midriff. Steve might have bothered to blush, or get chivalrous and turn around, if not for the mess of blood that was still sluggishly dripping from the wound; what looked to be a nasty bullet graze. 

God, he hoped it was a graze and not a hit. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he snapped, sounding harsh even to his own ears, but surprisingly, Stark didn’t take the bait. Instead, she simply raised an eyebrow at him, staring at him unimpressed until he huffed in frustration and bit out a completely insincere apology. 

Insincere or not, it was apparently enough for Stark. “I forgot about it when I saw that Erskine had taken the hit,” she told him brusquely, and if he hadn’t seen her nearly destroyed with grief earlier, he might have mistaken the tone for heartlessness. As it were, he realized now that it was simply a defense mechanism of hers; not that he knew exactly what she was so defensive against. “Get me the kit in my nightstand, will you?” she asked as she tied the ends of her blouse into a knot at her sternum. 

By the time he found her first aid supplies, she’d managed to rinse off most of the blood with a wet cloth procured from the tiny kitchenette, and this time, Steve did avert his eyes. Staunchly ignoring the amused little smile on her face, he dug out bandages, gauze, a needle and some surgical thread. 

Before he could stop her, Toni grabbed the bottle of scotch and upended some of it over her wound, lips going white as she sealed them shut in an effort not to cry out from the pain. 

“What is the matter with you?” Steve finally managed to splutter, after three failed tries at forming words to express his vexation. Toni seemed genuinely undisturbed by her own disregard for pain, and the soldier wasn’t sure whether he was more worried about that, or the bullet that had torn a gash through her side. 

And that was saying a lot, in his opinion. 

Toni shrugged, already toweling the area off carelessly and easing surgical thread through the eye of the needle. “I needed to sterilize the wound,” she explained, so reasonably that Steve had to wonder whether this was karmic retribution at work for all the times he’d aggravated Bucky with his reckless tendencies. “I’m good,” she added, glancing up at him when she realized that he was practically vibrating with badly concealed worry. “Won’t even need more than ten sutures. Twelve, tops.”

The practiced way that she began sewing up the graze, a neat row of stitches that told a story of steady hands that should have been shaking with pain, made Steve vaguely ill. If anything, he realized distantly, he’d have to seriously reevaluate his firm belief that Toni Stark was a spoilt, entitled Daddy’s princess. 

Whatever she’d lived through to make her so accustomed to pain didn’t have any of the trappings of a typical rich kid socialite who’d been handed her life on a silver platter. 

Efficient hands tied off the sutures, taped a piece of gauze over it and secured a bandage around her abdomen, as good as any field medic in Steve’s opinion. Toni dry swallowed two painkillers and packed her kit neatly away before Steve broke the comfortable silence. 

He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he told her about the Senator’s offer; about his new, upcoming role promoting the sales of war bonds in USO shows. About being a national symbol. Captain America, they wanted to call him. 

As he spoke, Stark listened carefully, and her expression grew more incredulous with every word out of Steve’s mouth. He found himself feeling defensive, and as he always did when he felt himself on the defensive, he struck out to be on the offensive instead. 

“Would you say something, please?” he asked irritably. “I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, here.” 

Toni narrowed her eyes at him. “You might as well be, you big moron,” she shot back, and though Steve enjoyed the fire finally being back in her eyes, he couldn’t say he appreciated the fire being meant to burn him. “Especially if you’re expecting me to jump up and down and sing a song because you’re going to be; what? The star-spangled man with a plan?” She snorted derisively. “Get real, Steve, come on!”

“What else can I do, huh?” he demanded, the Brooklyn accent getting a little thicker in his ire. “I’m just one guy! I’m just an experiment!”

Rather than shrinking away from his pretty impressive form, Stark only got up closer, chin jutting out in defiance. “Did Phillips tell you that? What a load of bullshit! D’you honestly think Erskine chose you – _you_ , out of _everybody_ – because he thought you would be a good _dancing monkey_? He _saw_ something in you, Steve, he saw more than you ever have! He would have wanted so much more for you than this. He expected more to come from you than parading you around in a fucking Halloween costume like the serum was only good for turning you into America’s boy toy!” 

Toni was furious, he could see that much, and later, he would probably be able to exercise some hindsight and see that the anger was on _his_ behalf; not aimed at him, and certainly not meant to belittle him, but in defense of him and the respect she thought he deserved.

At the time, however, all he saw was anger, and all he could think of was getting the last shot in. 

“Well, you would know all about falling short of expectations, wouldn’t you Stark?” His voice was cold, acerbic even, as he spoke. Toni’s eyes widened briefly, the hurt expression somehow made worse by the fact that she was so surprised, as if she hadn’t expected he would be the one taking such a direct hit at her. 

But then she was recovering, that awful mask of cool disconnect coming back and leaving Steve cold as he felt shut out. Without a word, she threw the last of her things in the bag she’d been packing when he’d interrupted her and threw the unzipped bag over her shoulder. Part of him wanted to immediately stop her, make sure she hadn’t tugged loose any stitches with the motion and take the bag from her, but he couldn’t bring himself to act. He scrambled for something to say, anything, because even a fight would be better than this horrible silence. 

When she was at the door, she paused, not looking at him but tilting her head as if she were about to. “Do you want to know what I told Phillips about you?”

“Stark…” Steve started helplessly, only to be cut off by Toni’s impassive voice. 

“I told him that heroes were born, not made,” she said, a terrible flatness to her tone that didn’t match the exuberance he’d associated with her up to now. That instead, matched the muted bleakness that had been in her eyes earlier. “I told him that Erskine chose you because Steve Rogers was a hero that needed a body that would fit his heart.” She paused for a moment, the words hanging heavily in the air between them before she rapped her knuckles twice against the door jamb. “See you around, _Captain._ ”

She left without looking back and Steve’s anger deflated faster than a popped balloon. The stirrings of guilt and remorse didn’t make a lot of sense; it wasn’t like him and Stark were even friends, so he shouldn’t feel this crappy after arguing with her; but as it were, the soldier felt extraordinarily like he’d messed up. Big time. And not just with his initial assessment of the Stark. 

It was only at that moment that he realized she’d been calling him Steve, for the first time.

 

###

 

Just when he was starting to entertain the notion that these USO shows weren’t the absolute worst things in the world (the kids, at least, were really cute) Steve had to do a show for one of the regiments serving in Italy. 

He thought that he’d never feel more idiotic than when the other soldiers met him with utter silence, but then the taunting began and wow, there it was. Worse humiliation. 

It was at the point where he’d realized he was about to be mooned, when he heard a cool voice cut through the crowd. 

“Knock it off, Gomez,” Toni drawled, somehow managing to sound both bored and sharp. “Nobody here wants to see your pale, pasty tail, we’ve all seen enough horrors to last a lifetime.”

The soldiers erupted into laughter and jeering, this time directed at the guy who was putting his pants to rights and sitting down with a few muttered curses and a crimson face. 

Stark, however, wasn’t done. “And if I were you, Hodge, instead of commenting on _his_ boots, I would worry more about not getting everyone else’s up my ass whenever it comes time to spar. Good to see that shiner I gave you faded okay.”

As the guys began to heckle Hodge, Steve noticed the USO girls lining up to take the stage again, and gratefully made his escape. He heard it when the men’s attention shifted back to the dancers and he shook off the stage aide’s comforting words in an attempt to catch Stark before she invariably disappeared. 

All he managed to catch was a fleeting glimpse before she disappeared into a large tent. 

Later, much later, after his chat with the beautiful and amazing Peggy Carter and after the heart-stopping realization that Bucky was MIA, he found himself in front of that very tent. 

Peggy didn’t bother to announce her arrival further than an urgent, “Toni!” as she strolled into the genius’ space. Steve followed awkwardly, in time to see Stark hastily covering something on her desk with a bit of tarp. 

“Peggy!” Toni returned in the same urgent tone, grinning disarmingly and taking off her goggles to face Agent Carter. “Always lovely to be greeted with your dulcet tones. What can I do for you and the Captain this evening?” Though she included him in the question, Toni didn’t even glance his way, and Steve tried to squash the unpleasant feeling in his gut that came from the slight. 

Peggy rolled her eyes but smiled slightly, clearly fond of the other woman. “I need your help on a bit of a suicide mission.”

“Darling, you always know just what to say to get me all hot and bothered,” Toni joked, hazel eyes sparking with a glint of challenge. Steve felt himself begin to blush a little at the flirty response, but he could tell that the inventor was only joking around and trying to lighten the air. He hadn’t understood as much at first, but he was starting to realize that there were many more layers to Stark than he’d initially credited her with. “What’s the situation?”

Succinctly, Peggy summed up what they’d uncovered and Steve’s plan to stage a rescue for what was left of the 107th. A multitude of expressions crossed Toni’s face as she listened intently, the most intriguing being the flash of pain and lingering hope at the mention of Bucky’s name, but before Steve could try to decipher anything from the enigmatic genius, Stark was in motion. 

As she grabbed a bunch of papers and a few gadgets, she spoke. “Counter-offer: I’ll convince Dad to fly you guys out; second best, I know, but what can you do; and I’ll send in a prototype I’ve been working on to provide some additional artillery support to the good Captain. No guarantees of how successful it’ll be, but better to have a watch at your back than nothing at all.”

“We’ll take it,” Peggy answered swiftly, before Steve could. She turned to him and offered a quick reassurance. “Toni’s prototypes are generally good enough that they go directly into the main manufacturing line without any more tweaks, unless they’re from her because she wants to get creative. It would be God sent to have some Stark weaponry at your disposal for this.”

Of that, Steve was already pretty sure, having seen some of Toni’s genius more than once. “I’m not really worried about that, but… you’re all going to be in some trouble at the lab after this.”

Peggy and Toni exchanged wicked grins that spoke more about their camaraderie than any words could. As far as Steve knew, there was a still a bit of an age difference between the women, but he supposed that being the only two females actively in the battlefield served as a rather strong basis for connection. 

“I wouldn’t worry about that, Cap,” Toni eventually answered, finally looking at him, and even though her eyes were guarded, there was a measure of pleased approval in her face that told him she was still on his side. It meant more to Steve than he wanted to acknowledge. “Carter and I tend to wreak havoc at the lab just for the sake of a laugh.”

“She means to say,” Peggy contradicted with a grin, “that _she_ wreaks havoc and _I_ get caught up in trying to keep them from offering her as a sacrificial lamb to enemy camps, just so that they can get some work done without her trying to undo it all.”

Stark only laughed and threw a wink over her shoulder before leaving the tent. Steve and Peggy followed after and watched as she approached her father, beginning to ramble something before he could do so much as greet her. 

They watched in relative silence as father and daughter spoke, bordering on heated at times as Howard obviously disagreed, before Toni finally shoved the papers and gadgets into his hands. There was a moment of contemplation as Howard looked between her and the things in his hands, and then between Peggy and Steve, and Toni. He looked like he was struggling to make up his mind, and Steve wondered what it was that had swayed him from what had looked like an outright denial. 

“Designs, I’d wager,” Peggy replied when he asked, her tone a little curt in a way that Steve could tell was meant for Howard Stark. “Wouldn’t be the first time that we needed to bend the rules a little and needed Stark Senior’s help to do so. He’ll take credit for her work in exchange for what she’s asking him to do.”

Steve started a little. Surely as a father, Howard should have been happy to share the credit with his daughter, at least, not want to take it all for himself? “That’s not fair,” he found himself saying, jaw ticking in annoyance. Just how many Stark weapons had Toni’s hand in it, but only her father’s stamp? “Maybe if I…”

“You don’t know Howard, Steve,” Peggy interrupted him, not unkindly. She patted his arm consolingly, and Steve was too immersed in his righteous indignation for Toni to realize that the touch didn’t fluster him as he thought it would have. “Let her deal with him. She knows how to.”

The way Peggy spoke implied that Toni spent a lot of time _dealing with_ Howard Stark. A feeling of foreboding curled in his gut and he couldn’t stop the way his mind automatically leaped to bad case scenarios; and that unexplained bruise she’d been sporting when he’d gone to her room all those months ago.

He didn’t have much time to dwell on it before Howard Stark was approaching them, Toni hurrying off in the opposite direction looking determined and steady. She was, he guessed, going to secure the prototype she’d been working on. 

Howard smiled at them, and while it might have looked charming on his daughter, Steve just thought that he looked smarmy. “Heard you two needed a ride?”

 

###

 

When Toni had mentioned having a watch at his back, Steve hadn’t been expecting an actual _robot person_ being there to guard his six. 

Honestly, he probably _should have_ expected it by now. 

“Hiya, Winghead!” the robotic voice greeted him, making Steve grin in disbelief. Was this thing actually being piloted by someone remotely? A soldier who’d seen his helmet getup? “How was the flight?”

Shaking his head in an attempt to shake off the amazement, Steve replied, “Just peachy, uh… Shellhead.” He grinned to show that he meant the nickname with affection. “If you count out the fact that we got shot at multiple times.”

“So that’s why Howard didn’t take you right to the drop zone,” the voice mused. “I thought you just jumped because you couldn’t stand him. That might just be my personal take on the man, though, might be different for everyone else.” 

Steve laughed, finding that he was enjoying the company of whichever soldier was piloting the suit of armor. “Not just you,” he assured the man as they made quick work traversing the uneven terrain toward the compound, thinking back on how irritating it had been that Stark had flirted with Peggy right in front of him. Not to even mention the abhorrent way in which the man treated Toni, honestly, he wasn’t going to be winning any father of the year awards.

“Yeah, Starks are a bit of an acquired taste,” he joked, placing an armor-clad arm on Steve’s shoulder to pull him down into a crouch. Steve went willingly – trust came pretty easily when he considered that the guy had flown in and plucked him out of the sky when his parachute had been ripped to shreds by stray bullets, effectively saving his hide in the first ten seconds of their meeting – and it proved helpful when he saw the vehicles approaching the factory. “Even then, it’s a somewhat annoying taste.”

Trust aside, he felt himself bristle slightly. “Not all of them,” Steve replied, voice light but firm. “I wouldn’t be so quick to paint Toni with the same brush as her father.” He pointedly ignored the fact that he’d done just that, and while he was at it, Steve also ignored the irony of him being the one that was defending Toni. He would analyze it later. 

The man piloting the armor was oddly quiet, and when he spoke next, it wasn’t a response to Steve’s unlikely defense. 

“You should go on ahead, Winghead,” he suggested softly. “Clunky metal isn’t really conducive to stealth mode. I’ll find another way in and meet up with you.” 

Steve nodded once in agreement before taking off to hitch a ride with the last van. Getting in was tense, but easy enough with his enhanced capabilities, and it wasn’t too long before he found the prisoners from the one-oh-seventh. 

After giving them their orders, he set off to find his best friend, daring to fuel the hope he’d sustained that Bucky had survived the capture and apparent torture. Tangling with a group of guards, Steve relied on adrenaline and willpower to fight his way through, but as it turned out, he had a bit more than that. 

A high-pitched whine that was quickly becoming familiar reached his ears a split second before a potent blast of heat took out the remaining four guards at once, before they could reach for their guns and fire at him all together. 

Steve gaped a little, turning to face his backup. “What the hell was that?” he asked, partly amazed and partly unsettled by the firepower. 

“Repulsors,” he replied, and Steve could hear the grin in his voice. “It’s incredibly new tech. Honestly, I’m not even sure that it’s entirely stable.”

Somehow, the fact that his backup was batshit insane served as a comfort to the soldier. Reminded him a bit of Toni, to be honest, and it would make sense that she’d need someone as off the reservation as she was to agree to test out her new weapon. 

Noting the bullet holes in the armor, Steve had to ask. “How long is that thing going to hold up, Shellhead?” he flicked his head towards the damage in reference. 

“It’ll hold,” the other soldier stated confidently, rapping the chest plate with a gauntleted hand. “Gotta work on the impact absorption, because they hurt like a motherfucker, but I’m still secure.”

Steve stopped in his tracks, looking at the blue eyes of the robot – not robot, _person_ – aghast. “You’re _in there_?” he asked incredulously, unable to wrap his mind around the fact that someone was – insane? Brave? Both? – enough to follow him into the belly of the beast with nothing more to go on than his word. When all this was over, he owed the guy drinks for the rest of his life. 

“I thought about sending in the suit alone, but artificial intelligence is still a bit of a ways away,” he replied around what Steve was sure was another grin. “Look, from the sounds of it, there’s a revolution going on outside that nobody invited me to, so I’m going to crash that. Path seems clear for you to find James now. I’ll be back.” 

Steve paused at the familiarity he could hear, even in the disembodied voice, as the other soldier spoke about his best friend. So that was it… this was someone Buck had befriended, probably also part of his regiment, who had agreed to come with on the chance that they could save him. The show of loyalty earned Steve’s trust, admiration and loyalty right back. 

Without needing verbal agreement, they set off in opposite directions, and true to his word, Steve’s path was clear getting to the rooms where Bucky was apparently being kept. Fury and sorrow in equal measure assaulted him when he found his best friend, strapped to a bed and half out of his mind from the torture, but it was replaced with knee-weakening relief when Barnes recognized him. 

Time passed in a bit of a blur after that, especially after Steve’s first official meeting with who he now knew was Johan Schmidt. He was forced to put it to the back of his mind when the place began to explode, fire and heat crackling menacingly in the air around them. 

“One at a time!” he ordered Bucky, heart in his throat as he watched his unsteady pseudo brother cross the beam to the other side. To safety. 

And then his heart sank when the beam broke off. 

Swallowing hard, he yelled. “Just go! Get outta here!” Even as he spoke the words, he knew that Bucky would never leave him behind, but he’d hoped. He didn’t want his friend to die with him… so there was only one option left. 

Bending back the railing away from itself, Steve took a few deep breaths, doubting that he could make the impossible distance but knowing that either way, success or death, would save Bucky’s life. 

_I never did apologize to you, Stark,_ he thought fleetingly, before taking a running leap. 

He had no sooner felt himself begin to fall, a stretch too far away from the other side, before strong, cool arms encircled his waist and he was shooting upwards once again, away from the awful heat. 

“Sorry I’m late, Winghead. Revolutions always go on for longer than I expect.”

Steve laughed, the sound bordering on hysterical as he gripped to whatever of the armor he could. “No problem, Shellhead,” he replied, realizing abruptly that he didn’t even know the soldier’s name. Before he could ask, they were dipping back down to pick up Bucky, and his best friend whooped with undisguised glee. 

“The armor’s ready!” Bucky grinned broadly as he hooked his arms around the soldier and climbed into a piggy-back that made the three of them look all kinds of ridiculous. Steve couldn’t have given less of a damn as they flew upwards and out of the burning factory. “Last I checked, Toni was still tweaking the computer interface?”

The soldier in the armor laughed indulgently. “Well, Barnes, that’s because you decided to go for a goddamn vacation before you could see all this brilliance come to fruition. Hold on, boys,” he added warningly, and Steve looked up to see a crumbling ceiling. Without preamble, the soldier fired what looked to be a missile at it, making both Bucky and Steve curl closer in an attempt to evade the falling debris. It worked as well as could be expected, creating a hole for them to escape into without burning any of them. 

And then there was fresh air and Steve was fairly certain he hadn’t ever appreciated it more. 

Cheers filled the air around them as the trio landed as close to the rest of the rescued platoon as the armored soldier could manage. They couldn’t celebrate for long, though; not when Steve realized that his transponder had a bullet hole in it and the suit’s battery was too low to make a connect without also becoming a veritable coffin for the man inside it. 

“Gotta work on manual releases,” he muttered under his breath, making Steve wonder why he was talking as though he had a direct link to Toni. Maybe it was recording the suit’s first flight? Who knew? 

Taking charge once again, Steve assessed injuries and was pleased to note that the casualties were minimal. “Bucky and I will take the lead. Hey, Shellhead, you mind taking up the rear to keep a lookout for us?” Steve directed the soldier, more of a veiled order than a question. 

If he minded, the soldier didn’t show it. Instead, he offered a lazy little salute of agreement. “You got it, Winghead.”

He was a bizarre sort of soldier – speaking without the normal clipped deference and saluting without being in any sort of formation – but when Steve glanced behind him to see the armored man right at the back, offering assistance to some of the former prisoners and some gentle encouragement, he knew that he counted the still-nameless soldier among his friends. 

He also knew that when they got back, he owed Toni one helluva thank you. 

 

###

 

The plan to thank Toni had to wait a little longer, because at around about the same time that Bucky called out, “Let’s hear it for Captain America and… uh… Iron Man!” Steve realized that the genius, along with the suit and its pilot, was nowhere to be seen. 

He was forced to admit, when the sight of Peggy sparked a little disappointment that it wasn’t Toni, that he might not actually loathe the younger Stark after all. The older one, sure, of course, but not her. Not anymore, at least. 

“I’m not actually sure where she is,” Peggy admitted, when a lull in their conversation prompted him to ask where the genius was. “I haven’t seen her since we got back to base. I’d assumed she was laying low to keep tabs on the prototype she sent in.”

Bucky clapped his shoulder in greeting, seeming not to care that he was intruding on a conversation, and grinned brightly at the last words he caught. “Talkin’ about Toni?” he asked, and the familiarity in the address made him remember the odd expression of hope that had come over her face when Peggy and Steve had mentioned a rescue operation. It seemed that his best friend was on friendly terms with the resident inventor… or perhaps more than friendly? God knew it never took Bucky very long. 

And now that he was thinking about it, the way Toni flirted, it probably didn’t take her very long if she wanted something either. 

“Yeah,” he answered for them, clearing his throat and stubbornly pushing away the little flare of unfamiliar heat in his chest that tasted a bit like disgruntlement. He didn’t care if Toni and Bucky were friends, or more than that. He had no reason to care about something so stupid. It probably wouldn’t even last very long, anyway. “We kind of owe her and Peggy for the rescue.”

“In that case,” Bucky grinned charmingly, and how he could pull it off after walking umpteen miles straight after being tortured, Steve didn’t know. “You have my gratitude, ma’am.” He tipped an imaginary hat at Peggy, who only smiled indulgently. 

(It wouldn’t be until much later that Steve would realize the flare of heat didn’t make an appearance while Bucky spoke to Peggy.)

“Well,” Bucky nodded once at them both, “I’ll let you two get back to your conversation. I have a gorgeous girl genius to find.” 

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly to mask the second pulse of inexplicable irritation, Steve shook his head. “I’ll join you,” he said lightly, aiming a smile at Peggy and ignoring Bucky’s sharp look. “I have to thank her. And thank you again, Peggy.”

“It’s my pleasure,” the British agent replied, smiling softly at him, although Steve was a bit preoccupied to fully appreciate it. Now that he was pretty sure he didn’t hate Toni, and thought that she might actually be among his friends, he had a self-imposed duty to make sure that Bucky didn’t go all… well, Bucky, on her. He loved his best friend like a brother, but the man was inordinately incapable of being in a relationship without breaking his partner’s heart before moving on to the next dame. He couldn’t call himself a friend if he allowed that to happen to Toni without trying to warn her. 

As they walked in companionable silence, Bucky kept throwing sideways glances at him, but Steve didn’t call him on it and Bucky didn’t speak up. Instead, when they reached the tent, his friend grinned and shot forward the last bit of the way to beat him there, making Steve huff in annoyance at the fact that he could still be caught off guard by Bucky, super soldier or not. 

With the same lack of consideration Peggy had shown, Bucky strolled into the tent. “Honey, I’m home,” he called out jokingly, making Steve shoot him a disapproving look. Both men were distracted, however, by Toni freezing in place, having just pulled her shirt on. It wasn’t the closeness of nearly catching her without it that had them all stuck in place, but instead the array of colorful bruises all up and down her exposed arms and, if Steve had seen it right, along her back, too. 

_What the actual…_

“Who did that to you?” Steve growled without thinking, and even he didn’t recognize his voice in that moment. He wasn’t sure that he’d ever felt such bone-melting fury in his life before. Not entirely sure how it happened, and not really caring either way, Steve was suddenly in front of the genius and taking her arm in a grip so gentle that it completely belied his tone. His concern mounted as he took in the extensive bruising. “Jesus, Toni, what happened?” 

The genius herself was still frozen, except now it was with something that looked like confusing and disbelief, but she was snapped out of it by Bucky coming forward and gently taking her wrist in his hand. 

Steve was reluctant to let go as his friend pulled her away, but he reminded himself that Bucky had known her longer and they were friends (or more) so it was a good idea to let him handle this. 

It still took every inch of his willpower. 

Bucky, thankfully, didn’t notice, his entire attention on Toni. “What happened, Doll?” he asked softly, tracing gentle fingers over the marks that had Stark relaxing visibly. “Did those morons try to get back at you for the sparring thing?”

Steve’s mind helpfully provided the replay of Toni shutting down the soldier who’d been taunting him by reminding him of how she kicked his ass. If that had apparently extended to more than just Hodge, he could see why Bucky would be worried about that. 

He didn’t particularly care who it was, he just fully intended on kicking their asses right back. 

“James!” Rather than offer an answer, Toni’s inaction ended with her delayed reaction to seeing Bucky. She smiled brightly, the sight changing her entire face, and threw her arms around his neck in a giant hug. Bucky chuckled softly but gathered her close nonetheless, being careful not to hurt her any more than she already had been. The unpleasant heat came back into Steve’s chest and just as he started to question why he’d even tagged along to what was obviously a reunion between them, the genius pulled away from Bucky and repeated the process with him. Thankfully, Steve didn’t waste too much time being stunned by the affection, and instead just pulled her close to him. 

Absently, he realized that she smelt a little like strawberries underneath the smoke and metal. 

She pulled away far too soon, and Steve frowned a little to himself when that thought registered. The physical comfort, he was sure, was what prompted his disappointment; there was nothing like a little contact to reaffirm that they were safe. 

Bucky sent him a smug little grin that made Steve feel like he was missing something, but his friend only grinned wider when he scowled. Before he could do or say anything in response, however, his pseudo brother was looping an arm around Toni’s shoulders and pulling her against his side. 

“So what happened?” he prompted, flicking his gaze at her arms. Toni rolled her eyes slightly but leaned into him, something that made Steve bite back a huff of annoyance. 

“Some minor glitches while testing some new ideas,” she replied vaguely, waving a hand in clear dismissal. “If Hodge and his cronies were dumb enough to corner me, do you honestly think I’d be the one with bruises?” She snorted indelicately, not bothering to hide her opinion on that idea. 

Bucky grinned, affection softening his features. “I’m just sayin’, Doll, you ain’t indestructible.”

“James Buchanan Barnes, how dare you?” Toni gasped dramatically, feigning insult. It made Steve’s lips twitch, even more so when she pointedly put her nose in the air and marched over to link her arm with his. “Steve, you are now officially my new favourite. You’re going to get all the coolest, most fun weapons and upgrades from me, and the only thing Barnes is going to get, is all the boring old guns and military approved equipment.”

“Aw, c’mon, Toni,” Bucky wheedled, and it started a round of playful bickering between them. Steve felt strangely content as he watched on in amusement, Toni’s threats getting progressively more ridiculous while Bucky countered with reminders of little things he’d done for her before Steve had even got there.

It was probably for the best that Toni didn’t remove her arm from his. 

 

###

 

A few hours later, when Bucky and him had been properly treated and fed and his best friend was knocked out for the night, Steve ventured out of their shared tent. It didn’t surprise him this time, when he landed up back in front of Stark’s tent, but unlike Peggy and Bucky, he made an attempt to announce his arrival. 

“Toni?” he called softly, after clearing his throat. Though there was light streaming out from the bottom flap of the tent, indicating that she was awake, Steve still let out an inaudible breath of relief when he heard the sounds of shuffling coming closer. 

Spiky brunette hair, mussed and naturally curly, peeked out of the entrance to the tent. “Steve?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but threw the flap open in wordless invitation. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded easily, ducking a little to enter and turning to face her with a smile when he was inside. "I just… I haven’t apologized yet.” 

It took her a moment, her expression totally perplexed, before Toni realized what he was talking about. Her face smoothed out as she laughed softly, shaking her head. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Ancient history.”

Steve grinned, feeling a rush of warmth and ease that he never would have thought he’d feel around a dame, leave alone Toni Stark. This newfound friendship of theirs was definitely preferable to arguing like cats and dogs, though some part of the super soldier was relatively certain that some of the arguing was bound to still happen. 

“Yeah, well, you were right,” he conceded with a small shrug, following her lead and taking a seat when she did. At her raised eyebrow, he elaborated, “Erskine gave me the serum with the faith that I would do a lot more than… what was it?” he asked, smile growing teasingly. “Dance around in a Halloween costume like America’s new boy toy?”

Toni laughed loudly, shaking her head and pressing her palm to her cheek as it flushed a pretty, light pink. “ _Parade_ around, actually, I think is what I said,” she still managed to shoot back, hazel eyes sparkling with amusement. “I suppose I could have been a little more tactful,” she allowed lightly. 

“Ancient history,” he parroted back to her, and was rewarded with a dazzling smile. “Thank you, by the way, for what you did today.” Joking aside, Steve really did appreciate everything the genius had done to help, and he was loathe to let another moment pass without telling her as much. “For giving up your designs to your dad, and then giving me backup with your armor prototype. For all of it.”

Toni, predictably, waved her hand in dismissal, but the flush on her cheeks grew a little more pronounced in a way that made Steve wonder whether she was shown any appreciation for the work she did. Erskine had shown a great deal of admiration and respect to her, but had anyone else? 

Certainly, he hadn’t. 

She coughed a little to clear her throat before speaking. “It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it. Getting those soldiers back safely was worth a hell of a lot more than those designs.” There was a beat of hesitation that was uncharacteristic of her, before Toni lifted her gaze back to meet his squarely. “It was really brave of you to go there,” she told him seriously, and for some reason, her words made his chest burn with pride and pleasure. “I’m glad you got back safely.” 

There was no part of him that had acted out of a desire for praise or recognition, but even still, her words meant more to Steve than any medal of valor or commendation ever could. He didn’t need validation, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t appreciate earning her admiration, especially now that she had earned his. 

“Thank you,” he replied, his voice dipping a little lower unconsciously as his solemnity slipped through. “Although, I couldn’t have done it without the soldier in the armor you sent. I never did catch his name… can you tell me who he is? So I can thank him too?”

For some reason, his words made her flinch slightly and avert her eyes. “Right…” she said slowly. “The um. The soldier.” Steve waited expectantly, but got the distinct impression that Toni was struggling internally with something. Before he could say anything to it, she was standing up and moving towards her desk, hands gesturing haphazardly as she began to ramble. “The soldier… well, see, isn’t exactly a soldier, per se… not in the general sense of the word. Or, you know, any sense of the word, really. In fact, sending them in the armor went a little beyond the bounds of unsanctioned, and may have even dabbled a little in the vicinity of entirely fucking insane. Depending on who you ask. My personal opinion is that it was totally kosher, but I’ve been told that I’m not always the best judge of what constitutes sanity. Which, I’ll have you know, is completely ridiculous, there was this one time…”

“Toni.” Steve cut her off with a gentle smile. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble. If you could just tell him I said thanks, that would be great.” The last thing Steve wanted was for the inventor to work herself into a state, although he had to admit, seeing Stark ramble on, so far removed from her usual cool, composed self, was pretty… well, adorable. That was the only word that he could think of to do the sight justice. She was adorable like that. 

Even more so when she huffed out a little sigh of relief, sending him a sheepish smile. “Consider the message passed,” Toni nodded, leaning back against the desk and resting the bottom of her palms on the edge of it. 

“So,” Steve shifted to face her again, so he wouldn’t get a crick in his neck, “are you going to present the armor? Try and make it standard issue? I’d say the prototype had a successful test run.”

Toni wrinkled her nose slightly, a contemplative look in her eyes. “Not a good idea just yet,” she shook her head in the negative. A couple months ago, Steve might have accused her of wanting to draw out the design to maximize attention for herself, but now, he waited patiently to hear just why she had doubts about her creation. “There are some tweaks I need to make to the design,” she explained finally. “And the suit is… it’s complicated. It runs off a very potent, potentially unstable power source that isn’t very easy to manufacture alone, forget about mass production. And there are a lot of risks in using the power source. Risks to whoever wields the armor. Risks I can’t take on other people, other soldiers. Not even for a weapon that could potentially act as a deterrent to war entirely.” 

Steve listened attentively, nodding on occasion to show her that he was following. It was an odd sort of mesmerizing to see the fervor in her eyes as she spoke about her invention; the initial hint of pride, followed by the frustration at its perceived shortcomings, the determination that she held against risking soldiers on anything less than a sure thing. What shocked him the most, however, was her last comment, which Steve was half sure she hadn’t even intended on verbalizing aloud. 

“Deterrent?” he asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he realized what she was saying. “You’re talking about... using the suit to end wars before they even begin?”

Toni nodded, her expression one of grim resolve. She had the look of a person who could change the world with the sheer force of her willpower alone; as though any cynic who told her no, could just watch and see as she made it happen. 

And Steve got the impression that there was no shortage of those people around her. 

“I have this theory,” she started, sounding a little hesitant at first, as though she expected Steve to shrug her off in disinterest. He was gratified to see her grow a little bolder when all he did was nod in wordless invitation. “It doesn’t have to matter how big or small a weapon is, if it has the potential ability to deter adversaries by virtue of its own destructive power.” When Steve frowned slightly, about to admit that he didn’t follow, she shook her head slightly, clearly looking for a different way to phrase it. “My dad,” she started again, and Steve didn’t miss the unconscious flash in her eyes at the mention of Howard, “he always says that peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy. It’s no surprise to anyone, but I disagree. I think that peace means having a wood chipper, not just another stick. It means having something that deters people from engaging in war altogether, because it doesn’t matter how much weaponry we have, or how big our weaponry is, what matters is that we have the ability to _protect_ our country, without losing good men and women in the _fight_ for it.” 

Steve digested all this, his mind automatically visualizing just what she was suggesting, before a little smile played on his lips. “Like a shield?” he asked, holding his forearm up in the same way he would have with his costume shield attached in the show. 

“Yes,” she laughed with a nod, eyes brightened with delight. “Exactly like a shield, Cap. Well, a shield that has the ability to level an enemy if they still decide to aim an attack at it.” At some point during her impassioned words, Toni had moved again, this time perching on the edge of the table nearer to where Steve’s chair was. Now, she pushed herself up onto it, letting her feet dangle as she made herself comfortable. “This the part where you tell me I’m delusional?” she asked lightly, but there was a real challenge in her words that made it clear she’d been shot down for her vision before. It made a flash of ire spark through Steve, the idea that someone as vibrant and passionate as Toni had ever been made to feel like she was wrong for daring to dream of a better world. 

“Not even kind of,” he answered honestly. “I think it’s a great idea. I don’t like fighting.”

She raised an incredulous eyebrow, lips twitching in amusement. “You’ll have to forgive me for not believing that, with the stories I’ve heard, soldier boy.” 

“Hey, c’mon, now,” he protested around a laugh. “I really don’t like fighting. I just don’t like bullies more. I understand that there’s sometimes a need to fight, because other alternatives just don’t work. But,” he added, tipping his head at her, “I think your alternative just might.”

The smile he got in response was worth the jab about how often he got into fights. “Someday, maybe,” she ventured softly, and the hopeful look in her eyes was lightyears better than the caution that had been there before. “Right now, it’s probably closer to mutually assured destruction,” she added jokingly, “but… someday.” 

“Someday,” Steve agreed. And wondered just how he’d ever thought of Toni Stark as self-absorbed.

 

###

 

It took Peggy Carter – looking like a bombshell in a fitting red dress – and a little bit of good, old-fashioned jealousy before Steve realized what everyone else seemed to have suspected long before.

“I’m turning into you,” Bucky was saying in disbelief, but there was a hint of amusement lining his tone that told Steve he was being teased. “This is a horrible dream.”

Steve would have liked to pretend to be the bigger man – pun completely intended – and offer some kind of comfort to his best friend, but after all those years being dragged around by Bucky, who always had the eye of every dame in a ten-foot radius? “Don’t take it so hard,” he smirked, patting the other man’s shoulder patronizingly. “Maybe she’s got a friend.”

“Too right she does,” Bucky laughed a little, shaking his head as he turned and finished the last of his drink. “Speaking of whom, I wonder why Toni’s skipping out on tonight. She loves a good celebration.” With a look in his eye that Steve couldn’t discern and a far too smug smile, Barnes took a step towards the exit. “I think I’m gonna head to her room, check up on her. Maybe try to convince her to do some celebratin’ of our own, if ya know what I mean.” 

Steve knew; of course he knew; there was only one thing that Bucky meant when he got that wolfish grin and winked at Steve. What he wasn’t entirely too clear on, was why he suddenly felt the need to slam Bucky into the bar and warn him to back off from the genius. 

It took conscious effort to uncurl his fists when he realized he’d clenched them. “Maybe she’s tired. You shouldn’t bother her.” Then, without much thought to the words outside of trying to divert Bucky’s attention, he added, “Why don’t you go ask Peggy for a dance? I’m sure you’ll be able to charm her into it.”

“You want me,” Bucky started incredulously, eyes widened slightly, “to go ask the dame you have eyes for, to go dancin’ with me?” He huffed a laugh, sounding like he was trying to tell Steve something that he just wasn’t hearing. After a moment of silence, in which his best friend looked at his expectantly and the super soldier just shrugged in response, Bucky rolled his eyes in disbelief. “You’re even further gone for her than I thought.” And before Steve could snap, ask just what he meant by that, Bucky continued, “Okay, well, you have fun figuring everything out with Agent Carter. I’m gonna go spend the night with the smartest and most beautiful dame this city has to offer. Maybe the morning, too,” he added with a salacious grin that normally would have had Steve shaking his head in fond exasperation. 

This time, though, Steve was as shocked as Bucky to find his fingers clamped around his friend’s wrist in an unforgiving grip as he outright growled, “She’s not just some dame that you can fuck and duck out on, Bucky.” He didn’t know who was more surprised at the cuss word he rarely used with such viciousness, but Steve didn’t waste any time thinking on it. “She’s worth way more than that, so why don’t you just fool around somewhere else and leave Toni out of it?”

“What’s it to ya, punk?” Bucky shot back challengingly, but there wasn’t any animosity in his eyes. They were calculating, almost encouraging, and if he were any less lost to the storm of anger and heat in his chest, then Steve might have noticed as much. “It’s Toni’s choice, and I’m sure I could charm her into it.”

The way his friend mimicked his words was annoying in and of itself, even when Steve wasn’t taking into account the fact that Bucky was trying to seduce his… uh… well, Toni. Was trying to seduce Toni. 

Shaking his head to clear it of the muddled, confused thoughts, he argued lowly. “She’s different, Buck, you and I both know it. She deserves more than a roll in the sheets.”

“That’s her choice, Steve,” Bucky said lightly, pointedly vesting himself of Steve’s grip around his wrist. “And as best I can tell, she’s still a free agent and therefore, completely fair game.”

And it was that thought; that isolated image in Steve’s mind of Toni being approached by suitors of all sorts who wanted to court her, probably without even appreciating how amazing she was, probably just so that they could have a piece of her, a slice of heaven that they didn’t deserve; that finally obliterated any rational part of his brain that favored logic. All that was left was the primal part of himself that Steve had been steadfastly ignoring for weeks. 

“She’s _mine._ ” The words slipped from his lips in a low growl, not aimed specifically at Bucky but certainly not precluding him either. “She’s not a _free agent,_ and she’s definitely not fucking _fair game_ , she. Is. _Mine_.”

Several beats passed before Steve realized what he was saying; and realized that the words were so true, they felt etched into his very bones. Toni was his. She was _Steve’s._ Had been ever since he was a scrawny little guy from Brooklyn, enlisted in the army and trying to cover a grenade with nothing but his own body while an idiotic, reckless genius who shared his trait of never knowing when to give up, didn’t stop running towards him and trying to figure out a way to save them both. 

Peggy was great. Amazing, even. But she wasn’t the dame that he never stopped talking about, or thinking of. 

Bucky, the little shit, only smiled, big and broad. “Fuck, it took you long enough,” he said cheerfully, holding his hand up for another drink and settling back on his stool. “It’s never a hardship for me to flirt with our resident girl genius, but I was startin’ to think that I’d have to propose to her before ya got your head outta your ass.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Steve asked, still a little dumbstruck by his revelation. 

His best friend shot him a look of genuine confusion. “Where woulda been the fun in that?”

Before he could do something like tackle Bucky – it would have been a friendly tackle, just a little roughhousing, nothing too damaging… mostly – Steve caught sight of Peggy about to leave, and though he knew the British agent was beginning to look at him in a different light, he also knew that it wasn’t what he wanted. Not like he’d thought. 

He wanted feisty, infuriating geniuses who made him crazy on his best days, but hid a heart larger than the world could even conceive. And he couldn’t string an amazing dame along, especially when there were other men who could be what she rightfully deserved. 

“Agent Carter!” She turned at his call, sending him a bright smile, and if he’d had any doubts, then the complete lack of flustering or enchantment he felt at the sight confirmed that he was there with the wrong woman. “Do you, uh… do you happen to know where Toni is?” he asked hesitantly, when he was within earshot. 

Peggy’s face fell slightly, but she didn’t look surprised. If anything, there was sad resignation in her eyes as she smiled softly. “She wasn’t feeling well earlier,” the agent replied, a touch of concern in her tone. “She was going to head back to her room to get some rest, last I heard.” 

Steve nodded in acknowledgement, feeling a small part of him twinge in disappointment, but he was mostly worried. Toni had seemed a little sluggish earlier when they’d spoken, but she had still been all quick smirks and quicker retorts, so Steve had written it off as overprotectiveness. 

“I’ll just see her tomorrow, then,” he nodded, giving Peggy a small smile that he hoped conveyed some of the regret he felt for hurting her, intentional or not. 

She nodded once, starting to turn away before stopping and pinning an intense look on him. “I know that she might sometimes be a handful, Captain Rogers,” Peggy stated brusquely. “She’s reckless and impulsive and jumps into things without thinking whenever her heart is on the line. But she’s the most brilliant and kindest person I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet and I’m entirely fond of her.” Now, the agent’s smile turned razor sharp. “Just something you should bear in mind.” 

Sure, Steve was just slightly terrified as the brunette left the bar. But he was pretty sure there was a measure of approval there, too, so he chose to focus on that. 

 

###

 

Of course, nothing ever went that smoothly for him. 

He’d been relieved to see Toni the next morning, working on a prototype of what looked awfully like a shield to him and seeming cured from whatever she’d come down with the night before. He’d even managed to earn one of those bright, beautiful grins when Steve rebuffed all of what Howard was trying to sell him on and instead claimed the shield that Toni was working on for his own. 

But then, Agent Carter was shooting at him, eyes frosty and livid as they had been when they’d seen him caught in that awkward encounter with the dame outside, and even as Toni distractedly promised to push the design work on his costume and shield through, she was following her friend’s march out of the room, and Steve knew that he’d managed to shoot himself in the foot before he could even try to court the genius. 

Sure enough, in the weeks following the incident, Toni had pulled away from him just a little. Not enough that it was blatantly obvious; they still talked for hours on end and she still prioritized his team when it came to her weapons and equipment upgrades and designs; but she held herself back just slightly in a way that Steve hadn’t appreciated until she was no longer doing it. There were no more light squeezes of her fingers around his forearm when he was stressed out and tense; no more arms thrown around his neck in sheer relief when he returned from a mission, or light, sassy rebukes that just barely hid the tremor in her voice when she knew, just somehow _knew_ , that he’d had a close call. 

There was Toni, but missing that vital and fundamental part of her that made her Toni. And it made Steve sick with misery. 

Bucky was growing tired of listening to him complain and agonize about what the right move to make was, so as their misfit group of soldiers were waiting for their ride back to base after another successful obliteration of one of Schmidt’s camps, Steve decided to engage the other person who he considered as close a friend as Bucky or Toni. 

“Hey, Shellhead,” he greeted with a smile as he sat next to Iron Man. They still hadn’t exchanged names, but remarkably, Steve didn’t feel a need to, anymore. He knew Shellhead the same as he knew his other friends, and the soldier in the armor knew him, and that was enough for him to trust. Surprisingly enough. “That was some fancy flying over there. Will you be able to fly back to base or are you hitching a ride with us?”

Inexplicably, Steve knew the soldier was smiling behind the helmet. “You know how I love the skies, Winghead,” he replied easily, somehow managing to lounge back as he sat on the tree stump he’d claimed as his chair. “’Sides, this baby’s got some mileage on her yet.”

“You and Toni managed to figure out that power source problem yet?” he asked lightly, because he worried about the risks Stark had offhandedly mentioned when they’d first talked about the suit and its potential problems. He didn’t know what exactly the soldier was doing to himself, in order to be on the frontlines and have Steve’s back in this war, but he hoped to God it wasn’t anything that was hurting the guy. Hoped even more that Toni had managed to find a solution. 

Shellhead hesitated for a beat before replying carefully, “We’re working on it. There are still some avenues left to explore.” 

The reply was vague and nebulous, holding the kind of ambiguity that wouldn’t have been out of place with Toni, and the thought made him smile briefly. 

“You’re starting to sound like her,” he pointed out wryly, riding out the customary spark of jealousy that assaulted him any time that the genius bestowed her attention on someone other than him. What was weird, though, was the fact that he spent so much time with Toni, but somehow never noticed her with any one soldier for a length of time long enough to get repairs and upgrades and testing done on the suit. She was being awfully discreet about that. 

The soldier laughed, but even through the distortion, sounded uneasy. “God forbid.”

“Hey, lay off, alright?” Steve shot back a little too sharply, forgetting about asking advice on approaching Toni while he was busy defending her. “Toni’s great. She works herself to the bone for us and she never even expects so much as a thank you.”

Blue, robotic eyes fell on him, feeling bizarrely as though they were speculating on him. Evidently, though, the soldier decided against whatever he was thinking, and instead simply shot him the same, customary lazy salute that Steve had begun to associate with him. “You got it, Winghead,” he agreed, predictably, and before they could continue their conversation, their ride was there. 

As Shellhead took off into the sky, Steve wondered one more time just what the relationship between Toni and the soldier was. 

 

###

 

It had been late, by the time he’d gotten back to base, so Steve hadn’t stopped by Toni’s tent the way he normally did. He regretted it in the morning when, after venturing into the tent that Toni used for most of her testing and inventing, he caught sight of the genius braced against her desk, looking pale and shaky and completely unsteady on her feet. 

“Toni?” Her name left his lips in an incredulous, worried sounding tone, and as she whirled around to look at him, the motion seemed to trigger a bout of dizziness. Steve shot forward the moment he saw her eyes roll to the back of her head – a more terrifying sight he’d yet to see, and he was on the frontlines of war – and just barely managed to get his arms around her so that she didn’t hit the floor as she fell. “Christ, Toni, fuck, c’mon sweetheart,” he muttered mindlessly, fear making him go cold all over as he brushed back hair from her face and tried to gently tap her cheek and get her back into wakefulness. “Show me those pretty brown eyes, would ya darlin’?” he pleaded softly, trying to push past his panic to get to reason. 

Medics. He should call the medics. 

As he drew breath into his lungs, ready to bellow as loud as he needed to get attention, he was cut off by a cold, clammy hand on his chest. Steve expelled his breath raggedly, relief crashing over him in waves when Toni sat up weakly in his arms. 

“M’fine,” she mumbled blearily, unconsciously curling closer to the warmth of his chest. Before he could call bullshit on that, she waved a haphazard hand towards the satchel that Steve knew held her designs and some tools. “Jus’… need the lithium… lithium dioxide. Silver tube,” she added helpfully, when Steve’s expression morphed into something flustered and slightly panicked. 

What the hell was going on?

Rather than waste time asking while Toni looked like death warmed over, Steve rested her with utmost gentleness against the leg of the desk, loathe to leave her but not seeing an alternative, and all but sprinted to the little desk near the mouth of the tent that held all her things. In another instance, he might have felt a spark of chagrin about rifling through the inventor’s things, but as it were, his mind was consumed by nauseating fear that Toni was sicker beyond what he was capable of comprehending. 

He found the tube, noticed it looked more like a very large inoculation shot, and spared half a second to pale slightly and swallow back his alarm before running back to Toni. “Alright, Doll, I got you,” he soothed as he pulled her back into his arms. Trembling hands took the tube from him and before he could offer to help, she’d uncapped the thing and stuck it just below her collarbone, depressing whatever was inside it with a pained little gasp. 

Steve watched in horror as her shirt shifted with the motion, the beginnings of black lines peeking out from beneath the material, and then abruptly receding with whatever she’d injected herself with. 

He didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but those lines that were _underneath her goddamn skin_ couldn’t possibly mean anything good. 

Toni sucked in a rattling inhalation but visibly relaxed, her features smoothing out, and at the very least, Steve could breathe a little easier knowing that the pain had subsided. Exhausted eyes, dulled into a murky brown rather than sparkling hazel, peeked at him from underneath impossibly long lashes and he felt his breath catch briefly in his throat. 

What would he have done if those eyes had slid shut and hadn’t reopened?

Without preamble, he pulled her into his arms, lifting her into a bridal carry without exerting much energy at all. A small part of him purred in pleasure at having her so close to him, especially when she didn’t protest, only snuggled closer to his chest in response, but the dominant part of him was shivering right along with her, only in distress rather than pain. 

He carried her back to her tent and if anyone had seen or called out something to either of them, then Steve wouldn’t have known either way. By the time he laid her on the bed, Toni looked a lot more like herself, blessed color reentering her cheeks and awareness sharpening her eyes to hazel once more. 

Which was good, because now he wasn’t going to feel guilty about bombarding her with questions. 

“Toni, what the hell was that?” he demanded, but the usual bite of command in his tone was replaced by something fearful and almost pleading. Oddly, the change seemed to work in his favour, because where the genius normally bristled whenever he used that tone, now she looked vaguely touched and definitely remorseful. 

Steve wasn’t above using a little unwarranted remorse if it meant having his questions answered. 

For the first time since he’d known her, Toni seemed to be struggling for words. “It’s complicated,” she finally muttered, sounding so miserable that Steve couldn’t even pretend to be frustrated with her. 

“Then explain it to me,” he implored instead, pinning blue eyes on her that he hoped conveyed exactly how worried and scared she’d made him. 

She started to open her mouth, a resigned look in her eyes that told Steve she was conceding to his request, when someone yelled his name.

“Go,” she shooed him away weakly, dragging the quilt at the end of her bed up to cover her knees. “I’ll wait. Don’t worry.”

He pinned her with a suspicious look, but as the person kept calling for him, he stood up. “You won’t try to go to your lab?” he double-checked. “You’ll rest until I come back?”

She rolled her eyes slightly, but smiled and lifted two fingers to her forehead in a lazy little salute. “You got it, Winghead.” 

He returned her smile, shaking his head fondly at the familiar words and gesture, but started toward the tent entrance to see who needed what from him this early in the morning. 

So distracted was he by his residual concern, that Steve had nearly exited her tent before realizing that there _was a familiarity in that gesture and those words._

He froze where he was, epiphany striking him like a lightning bolt. 

About how Toni and the soldier both spoke about Bucky with the same acquaintance. 

About the bruises she’d been sporting the night they’d come back from rescuing the soldiers from the 107th. 

About how she got upgrades done without Steve ever seeing another soldier spend enough time with her.

_“Right… The, um. The soldier.”_

_“Not exactly a soldier, per se, not in the general sense of the word.”_

_“In fact, sending them in the armor went a little beyond the bounds of unsanctioned, and may have even dabbled a little in the vicinity of entirely fucking insane.”_

Steve whirled around, hushed disbelief dripping from his voice as he spoke the words that seemed to be completely insane, and yet made all the sense in the world. “You’re… Iron Man?”

What little color she’d regained quickly drained from Toni’s face again, in the split second it took for her to realize the mistake she’d made. For a few tense moments, silence reigned between them, broken only by the occasional shout of the soldier still looking for him, but heading thankfully in the opposite direction now. 

“Would it…” she started, voice a little hoarse, before clearing her throat and trying again. “Would it help my case at all if I pointed out that technically, the suit is made out a titanium alloy, and that I’m clearly not a man?”

Steve felt like the breath had been sucker-punched out of him, and in that moment, he realized that he’d still been half-expecting Toni to raise an eyebrow at him and shoot the theory down with some sarcastic comment and that laugh he so enjoyed hearing. 

But she wasn’t. Because she was Iron Man. She was the soldier behind the suit of armor that Steve counted as one of his closest friends. 

No. Not a soldier. Toni. 

Toni, a civilian scientist with no training what-so-fucking-ever to speak of.

Steve didn’t think any further than that point before he burst out. “What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking at all? Or did you just get bored and decide to spice things up a little?” 

To his credit, Steve knew the very second the words left his mouth, that they were a mistake of epic proportions. There was no part of him that meant them, but he’d frozen so spectacularly, shocked even at himself for the words he’d thrown at her, that he couldn’t figure out how to backtrack, to apologize. 

“Get out.” The words were spoken low and even, with no inflection at all, and Steve winced. He would have much preferred her cussing him out, screaming at him, maybe even throwing something, but this? This, he knew, Toni so controlled and cold and seemingly devoid of any emotion, this was the worst he had ever fucked up. This was the worst he’d ever hurt her, and to his chagrin, he’d managed to hurt her more than once in the past. 

“Toni…”

“No, don’t you _‘Toni’_ me, Rogers.” Her voice cracked like a whip, but it was the impersonal use of his surname, something she hadn’t done since before they’d become friends, that cut him the deepest. “You don’t get to yell at me, treat me like I’m some kind of stupid, spoilt, rich girl, and then try to explain yourself for it. Get the fuck out of my tent.”

Anger warred with his despairing guilt; anger not at her, but at himself for ever being so stupid as to think so lowly of her and tell her as much; but even the hint of it gave him the strength to push back a little, to push his boundaries and his comfort zone because the most important thing wasn’t whether or not he could handle this. The only important thing was her. 

So instead of leaving, as he might have a few months ago, he strode determinedly forward, kneeling in front of the bed so that he was at face-level with her as she sat cross-legged upon it. “No,” he replied simply, the previous anger in his voice giving way to throbbing fear and sincerity and desperate need all at once. A need for her to listen and understand just what his mind was screaming at him. “Do you even understand…” he stopped himself abruptly, shaking his head as he realized how wrong a track he was choosing. There was fire in her eyes, lighting them a hot amber, but to his gratification, she didn’t try to stop him. “Do you know just how many times… how many hits Iron Ma- _you_ , took for me?” Steve balked at the very thought, realization making him sick all over again. “Because I do. I know _exactly_ how many times I held my breath and prayed that the suit was as indestructible as I hoped, that my friend hadn’t died in a bid to save my life, and that was when I only thought that there was a soldier in there who’d become my ally. But now… now, I have to look back on all those times and see that it was _you_ in there, _you_ who followed me into the jaws of death, _you_ who took those hits so that I wouldn’t have to, _you_ who I _could have lost,_ so many fucking times, and I would never have even known until it was too late.” His voice was ragged now, and there were anguished tears in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He needed to make her understand, needed to make her see. “I wouldn’t have known until you stopped breathing, until you didn’t get up and I would have had to rip off that helmet and see the most important thing in the world to me just _not. Waking. Up.”_

“Steve…” Toni choked out, and now there were tears in her eyes too, but he wasn’t finished yet. Not even close. Steve suddenly couldn’t imagine not telling Toni every single thing he’d wanted to tell her since the night he’d realized he was in love with his best friend; because God, how many times could he have nearly not had the opportunity again? 

His hands framed her face, brought her forehead to rest against his because it was easier to speak when he was able to feel her breath, every life-affirming one of them, against his face. “I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that I think of you every time I need a boost of courage on a mission. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that you’re the biggest driving force behind me fighting to get back home. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that I love you, God, so much that it doesn’t even make sense sometimes, because you would have been gone before I could say anything. And I wouldn’t have known, Toni.” 

Now, he pulled back, but only so far that she could look into his eyes and hopefully see the burning truth there. “I spoke without thinking, and I’m sorry for that. It was stupid of me. But that’s exactly what you do to me; you drive me completely crazy and you make me stupid and you infuriate me because you keep treating yourself like you’re expendable when you’re the best fucking part of my life.”

Toni was looking at him, wide-eyed and speechless, with the expression of one who’d been given a gift that they’d never in a million lifetimes dream of actually receiving. Steve was well-acquainted with the look; knew it intimately, because he knew that he looked at Toni like that every single day; but having it reciprocated, even now while his heart was still trying to thud out of his chest with the realization of what Toni had done, was still the best feeling Steve had ever had coursing through his veins in his entire life. 

Post-serum strength included. 

That is, until Toni closed the gap between them and kissed him. 

It only took a fraction of a second before Steve got with the program, taking control of the kiss and pressing in as close as he could manage. The sexy little moan she gave when he deepened the kiss made him want to hum in approval, but instead, he just kept savoring the unique taste that was Toni and dragging his teeth along her bottom lip just to hear her gasp. And then swallow that sound right up, too. 

When the need to breathe became too great for Toni, she pulled away breathlessly, but Steve just kept right on kissing her, making a trail from her lips, along her jaw, and then down her neck when she bared it to him. The gesture – so easy, so inviting for him – made the possessive part in Steve rumble happily, and just because he could, he scraped his teeth over the delicate skin and suckled, varying his pressure and only letting up when he was sure he had marked her with a love bite high enough for others to see. 

So they’d know that she was his, that he was the only one who got to have her like that.

His hands found her hips and, mindless with desire, he yanked her forward, dragging her across the bed to its edge and groaning lowly when she took the cue to unfold her legs and wrap them around his waist instead. In an instant, he stood, taking her with him and turning them around so that when he sat on the bed, she was seated snugly on his lap. Immediately, Toni shifted forward, pressed as close as she could, rocking down against the straining bulge in his pants. Steve jerked his hips upwards in response, a grunt of pleasure falling from his lips, and he was rewarded with the hottest little whimper that had him already plotting ways to wrangle the sound from Toni again. Starting with undoing some of the buttons on her shirt that was regretfully keeping her from his view.

Unfortunately, before he could put any of his plans into motion, he crash-landed spectacularly back into reality with the glimpse of sinister looking black lines, crossworking up just under Toni’s collarbone. 

“Stop,” he rasped, the sound more of a groan than anything else. In a quick movement, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop if he didn’t do it now, he manacled her wrists with his hands and pinned them behind her back. The action pushed her sinfully closer to him, making Steve growl slightly in equal parts desire and frustration, but it served its purpose as Toni blinked away the haze that had coloured her eyes a sexy shade of dark hazel. 

A hint of hesitation entered her expression. “Was that… did I…”

It hurt Steve to see her uncertainty, as out of place on Toni as the look of vulnerability she was wearing in that moment, but in a small way, he also felt incredibly gratified to see that she was comfortable enough to show him what he was sure few, if any people had ever seen before. An honor though it was, however, he wanted nothing more than to soothe the look away. 

“Not a chance, baby,” he murmured roughly, the endearment slipping from his lips accidentally, even as he thoroughly enjoyed the pretty little flush that came over Toni’s cheeks. With a tenderness that was at odds with the hungry way he’d kissed her before, Steve pressed his lips against the inventor’s collar, right at the top of the painful looking lines. “What’s going on?” he asked softly, only a hint of command underlying his voice. “What are these? Are you… are you sick?” 

It took a great deal more effort than Steve anticipated it would, to force the question from numb lips. 

Toni sighed a little and twisted her hands, still in his grip. Steve took the motion for what it was, releasing her, but he was happy when she didn’t get up and turn away from him; only shifted back so that she was comfortably seated in his lap again, rather than being pressed up against him. 

Her eyes were weary when she lifted them to his, something that made Steve’s chest clench unpleasantly. “Do you know how many people consider me worthy to continue the Stark legacy? To take my place at the helm of the company?” Steve’s temper flared, because he could guess the answer, but he stayed quiet, sensing that Toni didn’t need an answer so much as a listening ear. “One,” she told him with a small laugh, but the sound was all wrong. It was bitter and hurt and resigned in a way that Toni should never sound in her entire life. “Peggy Carter. She’s the only one, now that Dr. Erskine is gone, who thinks that I’ll be able to handle it. Most people stick to the normal ways of expressing their disapproval of me; hushed whispers with pointed glares, talking over me when I make a suggestion, that sort of thing. My dad’s old partner, though… he got a bit creative.” 

Steve felt fury begin to bubble in his chest, ugly and violent, but the story had barely begun and he didn’t want to give Toni any reason to think that any of his anger was directed at her, so he did the only thing he knew would help. He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, the contact equally to reassure himself and her, and nodded to show that he was still with her, still listening. 

“He convinced my dad to send me with one of the regiments that were doing recon,” she continued, resting her own arms atop his. “Howard was supposed to go, he was meant to provide them with their tech, but Obadiah… I thought he was giving me a chance to prove myself,” she shook her head, obviously still irate with herself. “I was grateful. I was an idiot.” The words were spoken briskly, as if she were already decided in her harsh assessment of herself. Before Steve could argue, she continued talking, eyes fixed on a spot at his shoulder, downcast and reserved. Steve hated it. “He’d sold us all out to the enemy camp on the condition that they kill me. They used one of the missiles that I… I helped _develop_ , and took out the entire vehicle I was in. I was the only survivor. All those soldiers… they died because of me.” Whether she knew it or not, tears were slipping from pain-filled brown orbs, and Steve couldn’t stand to be silent a moment longer. Not now that he knew she was blaming herself for that. 

“Don’t,” he entreated softly, muscles vibrating with barely restrained rage even as he pulled her closer with untold gentleness. Steve pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, then another, and another. “That wasn’t your fault, sweetheart. Don’t ever think that. Don’t do that to yourself.” 

She turned into the touch when he thumbed her tears away, but that was the only acknowledgement he got. Steve wasn’t surprised, but he was determined. One day, somehow, he would make her understand that it wasn’t anything close to her fault. 

Taking a small, ragged breath, she continued her story. “The bomb… there were pieces of shrapnel that lodged into my chest. When the enemy side saw that they hadn’t killed me, they decided to capitalize on the situation and got one of their scientists to operate on me. They put a car battery in my chest to keep the shrapnel from slicing into my heart, and it kept me alive long enough for them to demand that I help build them weapons. I refused, for a while, but they were very… persuasive.” Something inside Steve lurched with comprehension as he realized what she was alluding to. His insides trembled violently, wrought with fear and fury as he contemplated how close he’d come to never knowing Toni at all. How much horror she’d had to face to still be here today. “Eventually, I pretended to agree, and I used the materials that they gave me to create an ark reactor. It’s a power source that keeps the shrapnel away from my heart without all the wires and dangers of a car battery.”

As she spoke, Toni undid the top two buttons of her shirt. What might have aroused Steve in any other instance, now made him tense slightly in unease, so fearful was he that Toni would tell him there was no way to make her better. 

He hadn’t at all expected a muted, beautiful blue glow to peek out from the top of what looked like a dark black camisole. Furrowing his eyebrows slightly, he brought a hand up to carefully trace the top of the hard metal casing, paling slightly when he realized that the thing – this _ark reactor_ – was lodged into Toni’s chest. 

Worse, that the inky black lines seemed to be spiraling from it. 

“I’ve seen this before,” he muttered thoughtfully, and it clicked after another second. “On Iron Man. On the suit.” With a flash of comprehension, he raised tormented blue eyes to her. “This is the power source, isn’t it? The unstable power source with all the risks you don’t want anyone else to take?”

She nodded, biting her lip with a look of shame and abject misery that Steve couldn’t stand seeing. “It has a palladium core. Ark reactors… they’re incredibly new technology, virtually unheard of especially in a size this small. Not even my dad knows I managed to build this one, because I don’t want to think about what he would try to do if he knew it could be created and even miniaturized. Because the thing is, while the power source should essentially run my heart for the equivalent of fifty lifetimes, the palladium in it was never meant to be saturated into my bloodstream. It’s caused palladium poisoning; which is seen with these black lines.”

“Palladium poisoning,” Steve repeated, and it didn’t sound any less sinister or terrifying the second time around. “Is there an antidote? Some kind of cure?” His heart dropped into his stomach when she shook her head wordlessly, but Steve refused to give up that easily. “What about slowing it down? Is there a way to slow it down until we find an antidote?”

A brief smile flickered across her lips, but it was bittersweet. “Not technically,” she hedged. 

“What do you mean?” Steve pounced on the hint of reservation. He needed to know everything if he was going to go to every end of the earth until he found a way to save her. 

“The suit,” she replied eventually, with obvious reluctance. “Using the suit speeds up the spread of palladium in my body.”

It hit him all over again; the astounding bravery that he’d marveled over so many times, for the soldier in the suit who had followed him into the heart of the fire on nothing more than his word and a desire to fight the good fight? It amplified tenfold when he realized that Toni had been the one at his side, and done so at the risk of her own health. 

That being said… “Not again,” he shook his head, voice little more than a deep rumble. Before she could rebuff against his words, as he knew she would, he added, “Please, Toni. Please don’t. I can’t handle having you in the suit and knowing that it’s slowly… that it’s…” he couldn’t bring himself to even utter the words. 

“I can’t handle sending you out there knowing that I haven’t given you everything at my disposal to keep you safe,” she replied softly, and damn if that voice, her words, the way she was showing him her heart without qualm, didn’t burn Steve’s heart with so much love he thought he would combust. 

He couldn’t help it, then. He kissed her, hard and fierce, swallowing the surprised little sound she made and licking deep into her mouth to take everything she was willing to give him. He kissed her until she was breathless, until he was breathless, until everything around them ceased to exist. Until his only point of awareness was her body against his. 

“I can’t lose you,” he growled, sounding wrecked when he forced himself to pull away. “I won’t handle that. I wouldn’t want to.”

Toni looked torn, and though Steve hated knowing that he’d put that expression on her face, he hated even more the idea that he would one day be the reason that the love of his life accelerated the cause of her ill-health. 

And she was. She was the love of his life, Steve knew that as well as he knew his own goddamn name. 

Finally, she ventured cautiously, “What if I hang back? No more Iron Man, except on the rare emergency occasion, until I can figure out a viable substitute for a palladium core?”

“Okay,” he agreed quickly, sensing that this was the best he was going to get. For now. “But we work on my definition of an emergency, not yours.”

She rolled her eyes a little, but there was fondness in her eyes that was replacing some of the anguish, and Steve couldn’t think of anything he wanted more. Except, perhaps, Toni herself. When she was feeling a little better. 

“Alright, Winghead,” she nodded, and this time, the nickname made him smile widely. For some reason, it sounded all the sweeter, all the more special, coming out of Toni’s mouth. “You got it.”

Before she could salute, Steve sealed the deal with a kiss. 

And then kissed her protests away, too, when he refused to take things any further than that.

 

###

 

Steve’s heart was racing, despair pumping a jagged, disjointed rhythm inside him as he reached out a hand in sheer desperation. “Grab my hand!” he yelled, over the sounds of the train, over the sounds of the unforgiving winds, over the sounds of his own screams echoing in his head. 

Then there was more screaming, only this time it was Bucky’s. His best friend. Screaming as his hand still reached out to Steve, still trusting, but he was falling, falling, falling…

Torment imploded inside Steve, choking him like something visceral, worse than any pain he’d ever endured. 

But then.

A flash of silver almost invisible with its speed and the shock of white snow everywhere. 

Steve watched through anguished, tear-filled eyes as the silver shot across his vision, plucking Bucky right out of his freefall and flailing dangerously, just for a single, heart-stopping moment, before it was zipping back up to where he was clinging to the side of the train. 

_Oh God, oh fuck, Toni, oh thank Christ._

‘Iron Man’ had made a total of one appearance in all the missions that Steve had undertaken since he got together with Toni, and learned the truth, and she wasn’t even supposed to be near this one on account of the fact that she had been struggling the past few days with the increased blood toxicity from her palladium poisoning, but God, she was here and Steve was terrified of what this was costing her, but he couldn’t help also being so _goddamn grateful_ because he wasn’t losing his brother today.

“Gotcha, I got ya,” Toni was saying over and over as Bucky clung to the armor and as she reached out an arm for Steve to grab on to for support. “It’s okay, c’mon.”

In a graceless tangle of limbs, they all made it back onto the relative solidness of the train, and Steve grabbed both Toni and Bucky in a hug, trembling with the force of his relief and excess adrenaline. Both of them clung right back, although Steve was pretty sure his girlfriend was holding back on account of her suit, but none of it mattered because they were both safe. 

After a long moment, Bucky pulled back. “Iron Man, if you ever take off that fuckin’ headgear, I swear to God I’m gonna kiss ya.”

Toni laughed, the sound breathless to Steve’s trained ears, but rather than crack something back like he expected, she only dragged herself to the wall, propping herself against it. 

Dread hit Steve all over again as he was reminded of the cost she paid every time she donned that suit. 

“Hey, baby,” he crawled to her, fear clogging his throat and making him forget everything except for Toni and the fact that she was hurting. “How bad? Do you need to shut the suit down?” They would have a hell of a time explaining just what the inventor was doing there, and they’d need to find a way to get the suit off the train without anyone realizing that the pilot wasn’t in it anymore, but those were all semantics. Steve only cared about Toni in that moment.

Bucky was staring at them, wide-eyed and gobsmacked, but Steve didn’t know how he was going to start explaining, so he just… didn’t. Toni could decide how she wanted to handle it. 

Apparently, her decision was as simple as engaging the manual releases she’d installed and removing her helmet. 

“I’m okay,” she murmured reassuringly, after taking a few deep breaths. The terrifying black lines of palladium which had been creeping up her neck earlier, a sick parody of a tattoo, had receded some, her eyes were clear, and she was lucid, and Steve would take what he could get until they got back to base and she could rest and allow the lithium dioxide to work properly.

Before Steve could say anything, Bucky’s choked voice came from behind them. “ _You’re_ Iron Man?”

“Nah, I’m just filling in for the day,” Toni deadpanned, amusement edging her eyes, and there was the quip that Steve had been waiting for. He grinned down at her when she smirked, sending Bucky her trademark, jaunty little salute. “Disappointed, Bucky bear?”

Steve flicked his gaze towards his best friend, hoping to warn him against any opinion that might upset Toni before he expressed them, but Bucky wasn’t even looking at him. Instead, he was aiming a wide, disbelieving grin at Toni. 

“Not a chance, Doll,” he managed after a second, and before Steve could stop him, Bucky was leaning down and pressing a hard, smacking kiss to Toni’s surprised lips. She laughed, the sound bright and carefree, as Steve grabbed his best friend in a headlock while Bucky tried to defend himself with the repeated reminder that he’d sworn to God he was going to kiss Iron Man. 

A few hours later, with Zola captured and Toni having assured them that she had enough energy to fly back to base on her own steam, Steve shared a drink with Bucky and explained everything he knew. His best friend had that same pinched, worried look on his face that he used to get whenever Steve got into a fight or got sick again, and idly, the blond realized that Toni was going to have a lot of extra mother-henning to deal with in the future. 

The same way he had, Bucky repeated the diagnosis, as if hoping that saying it aloud would make it any less scary and dangerous. “Palladium poisoning, huh?” If the look on his face was any indicator, speaking the words didn’t help Bucky any more than it had helped Steve. “Fuck, Stevie. I was wonderin’ why Iron Man stopped coming on missions as much, but I didn’t think for a second it was somethin’ like this.” Shaking his head, he drained his glass, looking worn and agitated. “Toni, you stupid reckless genius.”

Had it been anyone else, Steve might have bristled with irritation, but he knew for a fact that Bucky loved Toni; granted, it was in a vastly different way to him, thank God for that, but he cared about the genius as much as he cared about Steve or any of his family. 

“She’s trying to find another core to power it,” he told his best friend. “So far, though, there seems to be no known elements with enough power and stability to substitute palladium.”

Bucky didn’t miss a beat before replying confidently, “Then she’ll make one.” At Steve’s dubious look, he adopted a look of careless self-assurance, as if challenging Steve to say otherwise. “She’s Toni fuckin’ Stark. If anyone in the world is stubborn enough to create a whole new element just to survive, it’s gonna be her.”

A smile curved Steve’s lips, and it was only in that moment when he realized just how much he’d needed another voice of confidence. Another voice of reassurance, and who better than Bucky, who’d never given up on a sickly kid from Brooklyn who invited trouble the way most people avoided it? 

As if he was reading Steve’s mind, Bucky added, “The universe just ain’t givin’ me a break. I get rid of one sick best friend, and gained another. Fuckin’ great.” Though he was grousing, it was clear to Steve that Bucky meant his words in jest, a way to reclaim the fear and horror of the situation and turn it into something a little lighter, a little easier to manage. 

“Look on the bright side,” Steve teased as he finished his drink and started to get up, intent on returning to Toni. “At least now you won’t have to go looking for someone to get all overprotective on.”

Bucky snorted, leveling him with a knowing look. “You’re saying that like you aren’t already getting all overprotective on her.”

“I’m her fella, I have license, so fuck you.”

The words, said with no heat, finally released some of the tension that both men were carrying. Without a word; not needing them; Steve stepped forward and grabbed Bucky into a tight hug. Not for the first time, a shaky breath of a relief shuddered through him, tormented still as he was with thoughts of what might have been. 

But it wasn’t. It hadn’t happened. Everything was okay. 

Bucky cleared his throat a little as he pulled away, blue eyes serious and somber. “Thank her again for me, would ya? For the save.”

“Sure thing, pal,” Steve nodded, more than ready to get back to his beautiful genius. He just needed to make sure, one more time, that she was okay before he went back to his room and turned in for the night. 

Sleep wouldn’t dare to come until he did. 

It was a quick walk to Toni’s room, made even quicker by the haste with which Steve walked in his eagerness to see his dame, and he liked to think that eagerness was reciprocated when Toni was so quick to answer. 

“You’re early,” she quipped as she threw open her door at Steve’s knock. She sent him a dazzling smile. “I would’ve thought you and Bucky would close down the bar tonight. Not that I’m complaining, of course, that would jus- _mmph_!”

Her miniature ramble cut off abruptly with Steve slamming his lips against hers. He couldn’t help himself; while his intention had been purely to check on his girlfriend before retiring to sleep, his plan was shot to hell the moment she sent him that smile, looking so beautiful and incredible and being alright after what she’d done, after what she’d put herself through today… he was hit all at once with how amazing of a woman he’d somehow been gifted with. The idea of not having her right that moment, not being smart enough to claim and hold on to her with both hands gripping tight, was completely unacceptable to him. His vision was filled with her and his mind, consumed, and there was no way he was going to be able to go another moment without having everything with her.

In a smooth motion, he was across the threshold and kicking the door closed as he gathered Toni close to his chest and kissed her long and deep. She melted into his arms, surrendering to the kiss in a way that never failed to thrill him, because here was this strong, independent, feisty woman and she was giving him the amazing gift of yielding to him. It was positively _addictive._

He was mere seconds away from pinning her to the door and having his way with her right there, but Steve had just enough presence of mind to know that he wanted more than that with her for their first time. The door thing, sure, that needed to happen someday, but for tonight… tonight he wanted nothing more than to take her apart piece by piece against soft sheets and pillows, before making love to her. 

Toni might laugh at him later, for the sentiment, but Steve didn’t care. He wasn’t going to take any shortcuts making sure that the genius knew she was the love of his entire existence. 

“Fuck, Steve,” she moaned softly as he gripped her under her thighs and lifted her easily to lock her legs around his waist. Toni pressed as close as she could, rubbing up against him with every step he took towards her bedroom. When she started to kiss down his neck, nibbling and suckling, it nearly made him lose his balance, but miraculously, he made it there and followed her down on to the bed. 

Pinning her arms loosely next to her head, Steve dipped down and began kissing a thorough trail down her neck, stopping just short of her sternum but only for a moment. Only for long enough to pin darkened blue eyes on her and demand roughly, “Is this okay, Toni? Are you okay? Say the word and I’ll stop, darlin’, none of this is happenin’ if you’re feeling anything less than 100 percent.”

“If you stop, Steve,” Toni enunciated slowly, brown eyes blown almost black with lust, “then I am relatively certain I might actually combust from sheer desire alone. I am _fine_. The only way I will not be fine, is if you go all white knight and stop touching me.”

And okay, the green light was great, fantastic even, but Toni was way too coherent for Steve’s liking. 

A jerk of his wrist ripped her shirt all the way down the front, buttons popping noisily but without much resistance. A gasp caught in her throat at the action, making Steve grin in wolfish satisfaction, but it was nothing compared to finally getting a chance to look at her like this. “Christ, Toni,” he husked, drinking in the sight of her and wondering if he would ever see a more gorgeous thing in his life. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, sweetheart.”

The ark reactor looked like it was little more than a disk against her chest, but even though Steve knew how invasive it was, he couldn’t help finding it stunning. It was, despite all its faults, the thing that was giving Toni life, the thing that had brought her to him instead of losing her before they’d even met, and no matter what, Steve simply didn’t have the ability to think of it as anything less than amazing. 

She’d been about to sleep, he knew, since she’d forgone her bra, but it only worked in Steve’s favour as he had no barrier to concern himself with as skated a palm up her side and carefully, so carefully, cupped her breast in his hand, thumbing the stiff peak experimentally. It fit his palm perfectly, soft and supple and intoxicating by itself, but when it was coupled with a breathless little whine as she arched up into his hand… well, Steve thought he could be forgiven for taking her up on the invitation and latching his lips gently around the petal-pink nipple of her other breast. 

For a few long moments, he tortured and teased her with his tongue and fingers, getting drunk on the sexy sounds she was making for him. He interspersed his machinations with kisses, some deep and plundering and others light and teasing, all the while groaning praise and compliments and reminders of his love to her. It still made his heart skip a beat when she told him that she loved him back. 

When he finally couldn’t handle it anymore, he got up on his knees, quick fingers making quick work of both their pants and underwear. There were so many things he wanted to do in that moment; taste Toni, touch her, anything to make her writhe for him; but the need to make sure she was comfortable outweighed all that, and there was only one way to touch her and still keep an eye on her to make sure she was fine. 

He kept a hooded gaze on her face as he slowly, almost hesitantly, began to explore her soft, moist folds with his fingers. The little whine she let out and the sheer pleasure on her expression was a vision, but then, Steve was fairly certain that everything about Toni Stark was ridiculously beautiful. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re this wet for me?” he asked in a rough growl. “You like feeling me here?” Demonstratively, he brushed his thumb across the sensitive bundle of nerves that he knew would wring the most pleasure from her, rewarded by a wrecked whimper and breathless string of _‘God, yes’_ and _‘Steve’_ and ‘ _Please’._

He prepped her slowly, languidly, fingering her through a first orgasm and then a second before he couldn’t stand dragging it out any longer. He hushed Toni’s mindless protests with a kiss when he finally pulled his fingers out of her, leaving only long enough for grab protection (he was a boy scout, so sue him) before he was back and easing himself into her tight heat. He went as slow as she needed, not wanting for a second to cause her any more pain than necessary, and it was worth it when, a few beats after bottoming out, she rocked up against him purposefully. 

“Fuck me, Steve,” she demanded breathlessly, looking up at him like he was the only thing she’d ever wanted in this life. God knew she was the only thing he wanted right back. “Make me yours.”

It was those words that did it, triggering his possessive side like a switch, and Steve wasted no time in setting up a punishing rhythm, taking Toni fast and deep so that she would feel the twinges the next morning and remember that he’d been there. 

When he was close, he bent to capture her lips with his once more. “I love you, sweetheart,” he breathed between kisses, feeling like nothing was more important than her knowing that in this moment. “I love you, I love you so damn much.”

“Love you, Steve,” she whispered back, the words wrapping around him like silk. “I’m yours.”

The words, combined with the searing kiss they shared and the wonderful feeling of her around him, and Steve came hard, his own orgasm throwing Toni off the edge one more time as well. For a while, they stayed like that, locked together and sharing breath as they fought to move back from the edge that they were perched upon together, and when they finally did, the first thing Steve did was press his lips firmly against hers. 

As he kissed her, he did so knowing that he was with the only woman he ever wanted to kiss for the rest of his entire life. 

 

###

 

“Hiya, Winghead.”

The same words spoken, what seemed like an age ago now, back when he hadn’t known that the love of his life was behind the distorted voice and impenetrable helmet. 

Steve should have known that she would come. Palladium poisoning or not, she was always there when he needed her the most. 

“Looks like I missed all the fun,” Toni continued, the comment deliberately light even as she nearly stumbled with the unsteady, unplanned flight they were taking. She took the helmet off, shaking out her hair. “Honestly, you keep benching me for the all the interesting missions.”

He flicked his gaze towards her as she came to stand next to him, somehow managing a tremulous smile. “And yet you keep coming anyway,” he replied, drinking in the sight of her like it was the last time he ever would. Which seemed possible, now, even likely. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He had plans. He wanted to marry her, have a family, watch her revolutionize the world and have her back while she did it. 

“Somebody’s gotta have your back, Captain,” she murmured, a small smile curving her lips before she ducked down and kissed him, swift and sweet. “Keep this bird in the air, give me as much time as you can,” she instructed him, and though he was usually the one giving the orders, this time he realized that he was out of his depth. Toni, however, was right in the middle of hers. 

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try for a compromise. “You’ll have it,” he nodded, “but if it comes to it… I want you to leave.”

One way or another, he had a duty to the people of New York. Innocent people who had lives and families and needed to survive. But he couldn’t, just couldn’t sacrifice Toni to that. 

Of course, he should have known better than to expect her to agree. 

“Not happening, soldier boy,” she replied cheerfully, only her soft eyes indicative of the emotion of the moment. “Whatever we do, we’re doing it together.”

Without giving him a chance to protest, she donned her helmet again and shot out of the plane, making Steve’s stomach lurch unpleasantly when he realized how close to the missiles she was going to be. Seconds passed like lifetimes as he watched the screen in front of him, heart beating a little easier when one by one, the red missiles turned grey before his eyes. 

She was a genius, his genius, and for the love of everything good and pure in the world, he was going to marry her tomorrow if she managed to pull this off. 

A shock of static was his only warning before Bucky came on to the line that Peggy had commandeered just a few minutes before Toni’s arrival on the plane. “Is she there?” his best friend demanded without preamble. His voice was tense and low in a way that it rarely got, except for moments when he was genuinely afraid. “What’s your status?”

“She’s disarmed four of the six active missiles,” he reported succinctly, his own voice tight with apprehension. His only indicator that Toni was still alive, still moving, still alright, was the missiles slowly going dark on his screen. And it was a sporadic indicator at best. “She’s got another two minutes, eighteen seconds to disarm the rest.”

“She’s got it.” This time, the voice that came over the speaker was Howard Stark’s, tinny and small as Steve suspected he had been patched in via telephone. For the first time, Steve realized that they all knew Toni was in the suit, and he filed that information away to react to it later. Preferably when he wasn’t on the brink of losing everything. “She’s been handling weapons since before she could pronounce the word. She’s got it.” 

Stark Senior’s tone was confident, bordering on careless, but for as different as they were, Howard and Toni shared a few similar traits and mannerisms. One of them, was the way their voices got a little fluttery and fast whenever they were hiding fear or worry, and Steve’s trained ears picked the tell up easily from his lover’s father. It was the only reason why he didn’t snap at the man and let him know exactly what he thought of the Stark patriarch’s parenting skills, if he was proud about that. 

Sure enough though, another missile greyed out before his eyes, and Steve fought to keep his voice steady as he relayed the news. 

“You know guys, I’m a little insulted by the bated breath thing.” 

Steve jerked violently as Toni’s voice, crystal clear, materialized in his ear. For the briefest second, he’d thought that she was back on board, that the last missile was a lost cause and that they were going to have to go down, but after his horror and dread subsided, he managed to rationalize that she’d simply patched on to their radio connection. 

Bucky was the first of them to recover. “What are ya talkin’ about, Doll? I’m busy makin’ myself a sandwich.” 

“Liar,” Toni shot back, laughing softly. “Hey, Cap? When this is over, you know what I wanna do?”

Steve had to swallow twice before he thought he could manage an even tone. “Name it, sweetheart.”

“I wanna go dancing.” 

He laughed shakily, remembering a shared conversation a long time ago, back when he’d known what he was waiting for… only he hadn’t known that exactly the right partner was the person he’d thought he’d hated. 

“How’s Saturday?” he asked softly, eyes no longer on the screen or the timer or anything, now. He had his eyes closed, picturing Toni smiling at him from underneath her lashes as they danced together to a song that never ended. “Eight o’clock? If you promise to let me keep taking you, I promise we’ll make it a regular thing.”

For a few heart-stopping seconds, there was only silence, and a tear tracked down his cheek as Steve forced himself not to open his eyes and check the timer or the missiles. If he knew Toni as well as he thought he did – and he definitely did – then her last resort wouldn’t be crashing the plane. It would be removing the threat from its source. And if she did that, then Steve figured he might as well crash the whole goddamn thing, anyway. 

He wasn’t walking away from this if she wasn’t. 

And then, the blessed sound of her voice behind him. “That’s a lotta promises to be making a girl, Captain.” He shot to his feet, whirling around and taking in the relieved but still somehow cocky look on her face. “You sure you can keep ‘em?”

It was only by sheer force of will that Steve didn’t bridge the gap between them, scoop her up and kiss her till they were both breathless and gasping. 

“I’ll keep ‘em all, if you just let me,” he replied, voice low and teeming with love and elation. 

She took off her helmet. Sent him a blinding grin and a cheeky salute. “You got it, Winghead.” 

 

###

 

Steve didn’t marry her the next day, so that was another one of his certainties that was proven wrong. But he did eventually do everything he vowed to do, so, technically… 

But that, my friends, is a story for another time. 

 

###

**Author's Note:**

> All the fluff! Please, once again, forgive the inaccuracies on my part. This was a very self-indulgent fic XD
> 
> Also, fun little facts: _'Cin, cin'_ is the Italian equivalent of cheers, and the Deterrence Theory that Toni touches on when she's talking to Steve about the armor, was actually developed around the time of the cold war, so I just figured Toni could be her usual futuristic, visionary self there :D
> 
> If there's any call for it, I might add a little epilogue or a sequel to give our couple more fluff and perhaps a way to exist in modern day Avengers as well, but for now, this fic is considered complete <3
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> J <3


End file.
